uh oh!

so, in the words of the anonymous commenter, i have taken ownership of my "strong, independent womanness" and the serial dating strategy has evolved into something a bit different... two timing/double teaming/playing the field/man-nizing (a spin on womanizing). call it whatever u want, but i am dating multiple guys and they don't know about one another. (i even gave a one woman soliloquy last night about how woman get gilted because guys are not honest about their intentions or don't want to commit and will date other people without the girls' knowledge. oops! hypocrite!)

first of all, i never thought i would ever actually be able to pull this off... or have multiple guys actually interested at the same time. ladies, the key to getting a man is dating other men... or just being busy. the less attention you give to an individual guy, the more they want you. i think it has something to do with the chase. they like to win you, but if you are an easy target, there is no challenge. and we all know that guys love a great challenge, especially those with bragging rights upon success (why madden is such a draw for all men.)

so last night went on my second date with mr. berkeley phd. another great date when i was secretly hoping it would be bad or he would do or say something completely crazy that could allow me to write him off. but of course that would be too easy. we met up in berkeley and went to grab beers and dinner at jupiter's--a place that i had actually been to with an ex. but it was so much better this time around. we sat outside near the firepit and split bruschetta and salad. it was actually one of those great dates where the conversation was so great that we barely ate. definite sparks. i even looked over at him a couple of times and he had those eyes--the ones where you know the guy is dreaming about taking over the world with you at his side or taking you to bed. i will only hope for the former.

so at a certain point in the date, i tried to snap myself to reality and remind myself about how much i liked mr. pancakes. so i proceeded to begin with the "how to lose a guy in 10 days" tactics, i.e. scare him by letting him know how conservative and committment oriented i am (maybe a bit of a stretch considering my current situation.) i even included some ex-gone wrong stories. but i'm not sure it quite worked. as he walked me to the bart station, he grabbed the arm of my leather jacket and pulled me in close for a hug. he looked into my eyes and moved his face towards mine, i turned my head just in time and his lips collided with my cheek. and then he whispers in my ear, "no, i want the real thing." my heart pounding, i'm secretly hoping he's a bad kisser. au contraire my friends!


ADH

a hard place (no pun intended)

after, happy hour drinks with the Arabian Night and a quite possible serial dating run-in with mr. pancakes and the arabian night on the streets of sf, i said sianara to mes hommes for the weekend and bonjour to the real men that run this city--the gays.

it was my friend's bday for the weekend, and we were headed out to the land flowing with grapes and booze- napa! as we drove across the golden gate--"kesha" blasting through the speakers of the party bus--i thought to myself, "no better way to spend a saturday afternoon" than cutting a rug on a bus with a stripper pole, mimosa in hand and my besties all around. could leaving the single life and getting exclusive mean sacrificing these great times? yes, i know these weekends will always continue to occur but if there is a relationship on the horizon, could I become too lovesick to actually enjoy the "wild times" away from the significant other? relationship can sometimes mean old married couple.


napa was complete with wine tasting in the sun, rolling around in the high grasses of the vineyard, and of course the ever-so unforgettable drunken acts that could have landed us all in the marin county gazette. (yes, i am classy but also love to have a good time :)) all in all a fabulosity at its finest.

as the trip wound down, we headed back to the city. empty bottles rolled around the bus as heads nodded off. a few people continued to dance and sing as the bus sat in traffic. and i was actually readyto keep the party rolling, despite my bodily fatigue. the last winery had slightly put me a bit over the edge. as i stumbled back to my seat after my last ode to spice girls, i looked around me. it appeared that all of us singles were still roaring and ready to go. a few were texting and seeing what was going on on the other side of the bridge, urgently making plans for "the next big thing." but as i looked around at the couples (gay, straight, whatever), something hit me. they were all quite cute--cuddling, i.e. one holding the other while he/she was passed out; egregiously m.o.ing, or just having deep drunken conversation. but they all had one thing in common. they looked so comfortable and satisfied with where they were and who they were with.


maybe it was the wine rushing throug their blood vessels. maybe it was the rolling hills of napa. but they all seemed quite content (while the single ones looked around anxiously, waiting to get back to the city and jump on the next big thing). so what did i want? where did i fit? in all honesty, there was actually apart of me that wished there was someone there to hold me in my drunken stupor. then why didn't i call mr. pancakes? why did i go out and party until 3 a.m.?

maybe i'm a bit of a rock in a hard place... a rebel... or maybe i'm just scared of comfort.

ADH

date #3: mr. quantity

so finally, here it is the wrap up of the date marathons... and when i had to start cutting bait before things got overwhelming.

the last match date was something of a surprise. he texted me last minute to see if our date was still on. total surprise as i had completely written off the idea of a date on this monday evening. he was heading across the bridge back from his hospital in oakland, where he is entering his first year of residency. we decided to meet up at a bar in the financial district, something simple--drinks after work.

on my way over from work, he texted me that he was already there and was the "guy in the lime green shirt." oh wow! i never thought i would be looking for "the guy.... with the blue handkerchief, the rose in his lapel, etc." it was then it hit me, i have been on 3 practically blind dates in the past week and have not batted an eye. and honestly, so far, the 2 before had been pretty great. how come i was so scared to do this before? unnatural, some would say--but also quite liberating... and exciting. every date--a new adventure, every guy--a new someone to get to know and explore.

as i entered the bar, i saw a guy in a green shirt at the bar facing away from the door. i wanted to get a look at him to see what i was getting myself into before i sat down. also, i wanted him to see me from a distance first (it brings a little element of anticipation and wanting--which guys love). i walked passed him towards the back of the bar, acting as if to look around. i turned back around and immediately, we met eyes. i walked over to where he was seated. we hugged and sat down. oh, he was definitely cute. better looking than his photos portrayed--a definite pleasant surprise. we ordered beers and began to chat. he had high energy and loved to talk... mostly about himself, not quite to the point of obnoxious, but it was clear he was pretty proud of himself. definitely a resume--yale undergrad, columbia med, and a i-banking job somewhere in between. he tried to be humble by saying by calling his accomplishments "no big deal" but in my opinion, true humility is when you say nothing at all. i made purpose not to bat an eye as he listed his accolades and his "what i've seen, where i've been, what i've done list." it was not because i wasn't impressed or thought the list of things in my life were better, but because in all honesty, i wanted him to see that i wasn't interested in all of that.

as we saw on my first date, accomplishments say nothing about you. you can have done everything under the sun and be a total douche bag (or in date #1's case, a total bore). why do so many guys feel the need to show their feathers? i almost began to think some of these guys go on dates just so they can tell another girl how great they are--like a little shot of mojo for the week. i would prefer to spend time with quality (of who a guy truly is) over quantity (of what a guy has done). i mean, you can get quantity anywhere... even from match.com. sounds like i was ready to start whittling down the quantity and get to the quality.


i sat waiting for him to finish his list, zoning out every so often. the conversation continued. he asked me a few questions about me, and then continued about himself. when it came to his family, he skirted over the topic and proceeded to speak more about his travels to india and thailand. i can't say, i wasn't having fun or that his stories weren't interesting, because they were. he was actually pretty funny, and we even had some back and forth banter. "i just wasn't that into him." i actually thought to myself, so he's not really future date potential but there's a little chemistry here, maybe we'll make out. (omg! apparently this whole serial dating thing was turning me into a dude!)

he drove me home and we said our good nights. didn't get that makeout, as he chickened out last minute. it was one of those moments where both of you know it should happen, but he just couldn't pull it off at the exit. failure, dude, failure.

as i walked up the stairs to my apartment, i thought to myself... was i ready for quality over quantity? was i getting tired of the talent shows of dating? with my match.com options getting smaller (i.e. there are only so many eligible bachelors on the site) and as i continued to get closer to mr. pancakes, was the serial dating coming to an end?



to be continued...

ADH

vegas baby!

before, i get into my 4th date, i'll get u all caught up on the current to date info. i just got back from a weekend trip to vegas for a friend's bachelorette party. vegas, right-enough said? but it's kinda crazy how such an outrageously larger than life world, can really get u thinking about reality.

i started off the trip thinking... oh no! with this new mentality on being more open minded about dating, this could really be a wild ride in a city like vegas. mr. berkeley joked that I might be trying to squeeze in a couple of dates while in vegas. ha ha! clearly don't have time to be scouting dates across the country. plus this was a girls trip (one of those things I hold near and dear to my heart...quality time with fun girls and time not to think about men... or at least time to flirt with new ones.) on that note, i did spend the evening before vegas with mr. pancakes. it was one of those evenings concocted by men so that you make sure you don't do anything crazy before going out of town. after an evening of moonlight drinks, music, and even a bit of poetry, he sealed the evening with a kiss and his words of wisdom...don't get pregnant or married.

as soon as we stepped off the plane, we could feel the fiery heat of the scorching sun. sin was in the air. but i couldn't help but think wtf, where were all the hotties with beads of sweat rolling down their rock hard abs? all i saw were guidos and old dudes at the poker tables. oh, but i was convinced to not be discouraged and remember the goals of this trip... girls bachelorette party weekend.

first night out, went to xs. beautiful place, people (not so beautiful, more nerdy than anything...but hey, we can all appreciate a nerdy guy.) after dancing with the girls for a bit, me and s.b. decided to do a lap. the first group of guys were decent. but they were cheap and wanted to chat it up and get touchy-feely with us whilst not offering to purchase booze. not gonna work... on to the next one. the next crew was still in college. lot of fun and even offered to buy us drinks but somehow, I couldn't help feeling like a big coug! last group seemed like winners... dentist from sf with a table and bottle service. the more we talked, the less interested I became. however, the bottle service kept me faking intrigued. then suddenly it happened, out of nowhere this random chica pounced on my bottle service. she literally sat right in front of the dude and started flippy her hair and touching his leg trying to get the dudes attention... while me and the guy were still talking (i guess she couldn't wait her turn). the guy wasn't even that cute but i guess she saw what i saw... the big bottle of skyy at the center of the table! gosh...woman r such scam artists. i can truly say this is the first time i have ever been c*ckblocked by someone i didn't know (and someone the guy didn't know either.) this was it... i was done with the manhunt/search for free drinks. back to girls night. and oh a girls night it was, complete with circle dancing and booty shake-offs. lots of laughs.

the next day/evening proved more successful. all the ladies decided to get beds down by the pool. so relaxing... breakfast and long island poolside in 100 degree weather. really tried to avoid the boys and relax with the ladies... but clearly, when there are half-naked co-eds all around that's just not going to happen. on the way to the bathroom, got called up to a private cabana and caught the eye of a reggie bush look alike during a dance party pool session. other girls had success as well, there were even some hot pool make-outs (myself not included).

that evening, we became something of jetsetters. the evening started with "thunder down under," the australian striptease and then moved to surrender--a place that looked something like a cross between ancient grecian ruins and heaven... which was possibly as equally difficult to get into. thankfully, we were 16 hot ladies (if only god thought this way, we all may have an easier time getting into his good graces. this night was not helping my tab with god.) anywho, after pulling s.b. away from the craps table, we ran into a group of "italian stallions" (stallion, i use loosely). however, they were a lot of fun and were harboring two large grey goose bottles. it was here where i met ricardo, the middle-aged poker professional who offered me the world fit for a "queen," a night in the venetian, and even a marriage proposal. oh, if all men could be like "ricki ricardo." but the longer, we enjoyed the bottle service, the creepier ricardo became and we had to make a massive escape. next, it was onto paris. we met a group of french boys, with whom i tried so earnestly to engage in a lovely french conversation. however, the fact that it was almost 5 a.m. in the morning and words may have been slurred, i'm pretty sure they didn't understand anything past "bonjour" (or whatever i may have said).

so moral of this story, vegas was a blast... vegas is not for lovers, just for one night stands (which i did not have... just one night memories). and unfortuanately, i did not come back married because i think that would have been a better blog than the one i just wrote. apologies on that front. however, i did have a chance to think about how much i might be a "relationship" kind of girl than i actually ever let on. the thought of a fling with anyone of these dudes, really just was not me (even if they were hot). i think i am a quality time person, which is why i love girl weekends. the late night chats, the veg out fests, the morning "oh no's what did we do last night." that's all the makings of a great relationship. if i value these things in girl relationships, why not with a guy? i think it's about someone to enjoy doing these things with... and that will be the perfect fit. (btw, i texted mr. pancakes at 1 a.m. on saturday to tell him i was thinking about him. probs not the best move. but it was vegas, a few drunken texts is a rite of passage.)

viva las vegas!

ADH

date 2: mr. berkeley phd

it was one of those sundays... to go on the date, to not go on the date. i was beginning to feel a little tired of all of this dating madness.

i went on a run to clear my head. somewhere in between crissy field and union st (probably after i got a wink from the h.b.m. coming out of the 24 hour fitness), i decided the date was still a go. i was not ready to take myself out of the game.

so, upon arriving home, i returned his text and we decided to meet at the ferry building. i walked through the crowded center aisle, looking left and right to identify him. i was pretty sure i could recognize him from his pictures. as there are not many black men in the city (actually maybe more in the ferry building because of all of the tourist), i was shocked when i could not find him. i finally decided to call him and through a series of really bad directions, he led me through the labrynth of people. around one corner and another, i finally saw him. he was wearing a grape colored shirt and black shoes. i would not have worn it but he was super cute in all other ways. definite denzel smile, good skin, a little on the shorter side but a total darling. and believe it or not, i could totally look past the height for the first time in my life. i thought to myself... i practically live in flats and sandals now anyway (at least on the weekdays that is).

so, he let me decide what we did first. i thought gelato outside sounded amazing as it was the sunniest day in the city that we have had in awhile. we talked and laughed over our melting cups of gelato. a couple of jokes here and there about being hot and it being hot outside. a few witty banters about being nerdy but still having a lot of fun. he had an easy way about him that was neither conceited nor pretentious. with a resume like his, that's extremely hard to find. he then thought we should continue the date inside by getting a glass of wine and watching the game. love him! he must have seen the wine-o in my eyes. we debated over the bottle. i kind of put him on the spot with making him choose. he totally took it in stride and we tasted a couple of glasses to make our final decision.

after grabbing a bottle, we talked about life, family, exes, future hopes--anything and everything. we totally seemed to be on the same page. this was a definite winner first date. as we wrapped up the bottle of wine, i imagined the date was about to end. however, as with every other date that i have been on, he wanted to continue hanging out. this time, however, was different. i actually wanted to spend more time with him, get to know him a little more. he seemed very sweet. even despite the fact that i was supposed to hang out with mr. pancakes this afternoon.

we decided to grab dinner at the burger place down the street. and the conversation just seemed to flow. we talked about our family lives and how they have shaped us (weird for a first date, right?) his brother was autistic growing up and i nannied for a family with an autistic son the summer of my freshmen year of college. he grew up in a conservative household with strict parents, which is in direct parallel to my southern baptist, sheltered upbringing. we seemed to have something in common. could this be love in the making on match... and a short guy at that?

we parted ways with a hug (and i didn't feel like i was towering over him). no complaints here. i was totally dumbfounded how well a date with a perfect stranger went. i had never met him but in 4 hours, i felt like we'd known each other forever. as i looked down at my vibrating phone, while walking back to my apartment, i saw a text from mr. berkeley. definitely, a perfect date... sealed with a text.

ADH