date #3: mr. quantity

so finally, here it is the wrap up of the date marathons... and when i had to start cutting bait before things got overwhelming.

the last match date was something of a surprise. he texted me last minute to see if our date was still on. total surprise as i had completely written off the idea of a date on this monday evening. he was heading across the bridge back from his hospital in oakland, where he is entering his first year of residency. we decided to meet up at a bar in the financial district, something simple--drinks after work.

on my way over from work, he texted me that he was already there and was the "guy in the lime green shirt." oh wow! i never thought i would be looking for "the guy.... with the blue handkerchief, the rose in his lapel, etc." it was then it hit me, i have been on 3 practically blind dates in the past week and have not batted an eye. and honestly, so far, the 2 before had been pretty great. how come i was so scared to do this before? unnatural, some would say--but also quite liberating... and exciting. every date--a new adventure, every guy--a new someone to get to know and explore.

as i entered the bar, i saw a guy in a green shirt at the bar facing away from the door. i wanted to get a look at him to see what i was getting myself into before i sat down. also, i wanted him to see me from a distance first (it brings a little element of anticipation and wanting--which guys love). i walked passed him towards the back of the bar, acting as if to look around. i turned back around and immediately, we met eyes. i walked over to where he was seated. we hugged and sat down. oh, he was definitely cute. better looking than his photos portrayed--a definite pleasant surprise. we ordered beers and began to chat. he had high energy and loved to talk... mostly about himself, not quite to the point of obnoxious, but it was clear he was pretty proud of himself. definitely a resume--yale undergrad, columbia med, and a i-banking job somewhere in between. he tried to be humble by saying by calling his accomplishments "no big deal" but in my opinion, true humility is when you say nothing at all. i made purpose not to bat an eye as he listed his accolades and his "what i've seen, where i've been, what i've done list." it was not because i wasn't impressed or thought the list of things in my life were better, but because in all honesty, i wanted him to see that i wasn't interested in all of that.

as we saw on my first date, accomplishments say nothing about you. you can have done everything under the sun and be a total douche bag (or in date #1's case, a total bore). why do so many guys feel the need to show their feathers? i almost began to think some of these guys go on dates just so they can tell another girl how great they are--like a little shot of mojo for the week. i would prefer to spend time with quality (of who a guy truly is) over quantity (of what a guy has done). i mean, you can get quantity anywhere... even from match.com. sounds like i was ready to start whittling down the quantity and get to the quality.


i sat waiting for him to finish his list, zoning out every so often. the conversation continued. he asked me a few questions about me, and then continued about himself. when it came to his family, he skirted over the topic and proceeded to speak more about his travels to india and thailand. i can't say, i wasn't having fun or that his stories weren't interesting, because they were. he was actually pretty funny, and we even had some back and forth banter. "i just wasn't that into him." i actually thought to myself, so he's not really future date potential but there's a little chemistry here, maybe we'll make out. (omg! apparently this whole serial dating thing was turning me into a dude!)

he drove me home and we said our good nights. didn't get that makeout, as he chickened out last minute. it was one of those moments where both of you know it should happen, but he just couldn't pull it off at the exit. failure, dude, failure.

as i walked up the stairs to my apartment, i thought to myself... was i ready for quality over quantity? was i getting tired of the talent shows of dating? with my match.com options getting smaller (i.e. there are only so many eligible bachelors on the site) and as i continued to get closer to mr. pancakes, was the serial dating coming to an end?



to be continued...

ADH

vegas baby!

before, i get into my 4th date, i'll get u all caught up on the current to date info. i just got back from a weekend trip to vegas for a friend's bachelorette party. vegas, right-enough said? but it's kinda crazy how such an outrageously larger than life world, can really get u thinking about reality.

i started off the trip thinking... oh no! with this new mentality on being more open minded about dating, this could really be a wild ride in a city like vegas. mr. berkeley joked that I might be trying to squeeze in a couple of dates while in vegas. ha ha! clearly don't have time to be scouting dates across the country. plus this was a girls trip (one of those things I hold near and dear to my heart...quality time with fun girls and time not to think about men... or at least time to flirt with new ones.) on that note, i did spend the evening before vegas with mr. pancakes. it was one of those evenings concocted by men so that you make sure you don't do anything crazy before going out of town. after an evening of moonlight drinks, music, and even a bit of poetry, he sealed the evening with a kiss and his words of wisdom...don't get pregnant or married.

as soon as we stepped off the plane, we could feel the fiery heat of the scorching sun. sin was in the air. but i couldn't help but think wtf, where were all the hotties with beads of sweat rolling down their rock hard abs? all i saw were guidos and old dudes at the poker tables. oh, but i was convinced to not be discouraged and remember the goals of this trip... girls bachelorette party weekend.

first night out, went to xs. beautiful place, people (not so beautiful, more nerdy than anything...but hey, we can all appreciate a nerdy guy.) after dancing with the girls for a bit, me and s.b. decided to do a lap. the first group of guys were decent. but they were cheap and wanted to chat it up and get touchy-feely with us whilst not offering to purchase booze. not gonna work... on to the next one. the next crew was still in college. lot of fun and even offered to buy us drinks but somehow, I couldn't help feeling like a big coug! last group seemed like winners... dentist from sf with a table and bottle service. the more we talked, the less interested I became. however, the bottle service kept me faking intrigued. then suddenly it happened, out of nowhere this random chica pounced on my bottle service. she literally sat right in front of the dude and started flippy her hair and touching his leg trying to get the dudes attention... while me and the guy were still talking (i guess she couldn't wait her turn). the guy wasn't even that cute but i guess she saw what i saw... the big bottle of skyy at the center of the table! gosh...woman r such scam artists. i can truly say this is the first time i have ever been c*ckblocked by someone i didn't know (and someone the guy didn't know either.) this was it... i was done with the manhunt/search for free drinks. back to girls night. and oh a girls night it was, complete with circle dancing and booty shake-offs. lots of laughs.

the next day/evening proved more successful. all the ladies decided to get beds down by the pool. so relaxing... breakfast and long island poolside in 100 degree weather. really tried to avoid the boys and relax with the ladies... but clearly, when there are half-naked co-eds all around that's just not going to happen. on the way to the bathroom, got called up to a private cabana and caught the eye of a reggie bush look alike during a dance party pool session. other girls had success as well, there were even some hot pool make-outs (myself not included).

that evening, we became something of jetsetters. the evening started with "thunder down under," the australian striptease and then moved to surrender--a place that looked something like a cross between ancient grecian ruins and heaven... which was possibly as equally difficult to get into. thankfully, we were 16 hot ladies (if only god thought this way, we all may have an easier time getting into his good graces. this night was not helping my tab with god.) anywho, after pulling s.b. away from the craps table, we ran into a group of "italian stallions" (stallion, i use loosely). however, they were a lot of fun and were harboring two large grey goose bottles. it was here where i met ricardo, the middle-aged poker professional who offered me the world fit for a "queen," a night in the venetian, and even a marriage proposal. oh, if all men could be like "ricki ricardo." but the longer, we enjoyed the bottle service, the creepier ricardo became and we had to make a massive escape. next, it was onto paris. we met a group of french boys, with whom i tried so earnestly to engage in a lovely french conversation. however, the fact that it was almost 5 a.m. in the morning and words may have been slurred, i'm pretty sure they didn't understand anything past "bonjour" (or whatever i may have said).

so moral of this story, vegas was a blast... vegas is not for lovers, just for one night stands (which i did not have... just one night memories). and unfortuanately, i did not come back married because i think that would have been a better blog than the one i just wrote. apologies on that front. however, i did have a chance to think about how much i might be a "relationship" kind of girl than i actually ever let on. the thought of a fling with anyone of these dudes, really just was not me (even if they were hot). i think i am a quality time person, which is why i love girl weekends. the late night chats, the veg out fests, the morning "oh no's what did we do last night." that's all the makings of a great relationship. if i value these things in girl relationships, why not with a guy? i think it's about someone to enjoy doing these things with... and that will be the perfect fit. (btw, i texted mr. pancakes at 1 a.m. on saturday to tell him i was thinking about him. probs not the best move. but it was vegas, a few drunken texts is a rite of passage.)

viva las vegas!

ADH

date 2: mr. berkeley phd

it was one of those sundays... to go on the date, to not go on the date. i was beginning to feel a little tired of all of this dating madness.

i went on a run to clear my head. somewhere in between crissy field and union st (probably after i got a wink from the h.b.m. coming out of the 24 hour fitness), i decided the date was still a go. i was not ready to take myself out of the game.

so, upon arriving home, i returned his text and we decided to meet at the ferry building. i walked through the crowded center aisle, looking left and right to identify him. i was pretty sure i could recognize him from his pictures. as there are not many black men in the city (actually maybe more in the ferry building because of all of the tourist), i was shocked when i could not find him. i finally decided to call him and through a series of really bad directions, he led me through the labrynth of people. around one corner and another, i finally saw him. he was wearing a grape colored shirt and black shoes. i would not have worn it but he was super cute in all other ways. definite denzel smile, good skin, a little on the shorter side but a total darling. and believe it or not, i could totally look past the height for the first time in my life. i thought to myself... i practically live in flats and sandals now anyway (at least on the weekdays that is).

so, he let me decide what we did first. i thought gelato outside sounded amazing as it was the sunniest day in the city that we have had in awhile. we talked and laughed over our melting cups of gelato. a couple of jokes here and there about being hot and it being hot outside. a few witty banters about being nerdy but still having a lot of fun. he had an easy way about him that was neither conceited nor pretentious. with a resume like his, that's extremely hard to find. he then thought we should continue the date inside by getting a glass of wine and watching the game. love him! he must have seen the wine-o in my eyes. we debated over the bottle. i kind of put him on the spot with making him choose. he totally took it in stride and we tasted a couple of glasses to make our final decision.

after grabbing a bottle, we talked about life, family, exes, future hopes--anything and everything. we totally seemed to be on the same page. this was a definite winner first date. as we wrapped up the bottle of wine, i imagined the date was about to end. however, as with every other date that i have been on, he wanted to continue hanging out. this time, however, was different. i actually wanted to spend more time with him, get to know him a little more. he seemed very sweet. even despite the fact that i was supposed to hang out with mr. pancakes this afternoon.

we decided to grab dinner at the burger place down the street. and the conversation just seemed to flow. we talked about our family lives and how they have shaped us (weird for a first date, right?) his brother was autistic growing up and i nannied for a family with an autistic son the summer of my freshmen year of college. he grew up in a conservative household with strict parents, which is in direct parallel to my southern baptist, sheltered upbringing. we seemed to have something in common. could this be love in the making on match... and a short guy at that?

we parted ways with a hug (and i didn't feel like i was towering over him). no complaints here. i was totally dumbfounded how well a date with a perfect stranger went. i had never met him but in 4 hours, i felt like we'd known each other forever. as i looked down at my vibrating phone, while walking back to my apartment, i saw a text from mr. berkeley. definitely, a perfect date... sealed with a text.

ADH

date numero 1: arabian knight

so as i suspected, he was not quite arabian. he was jordanian, slightly different but you get it--tall dude, dark hair, thick accent. and actually, pretty cute but not antonio sabato jr. (wait, he is latin... not middle eastern--i suck at this.)

ok, again another preface: things start to get extremely interesting when you enter the world of "serial dating." and what i mean by "interesting" is that you have to LIE a lot to keep the ball moving. and any of you who know me, realize that lying is not my cup of tea. as it says in my match profile "what you see is what you get" and what you typically get from me is the "god honest gospel truth."

so, i wake up saturday morning, a bit of a hangover from m.d.'s birthday celebration the night before but nothing to snuff about. i look at my phone and i have a missed call and a text from the guy that i have been hanging out with (p.m.--or pre match). he wants me to come over for pancakes! what irony! three months ago, i would have woken up to nothing but a house to clean. but no, now that i have a date in 3 hours, all of a sudden i'm getting brunch invites from every man in a 10 mile radius (ok, i will stop exaggerating and get over myself. especially as i do realize this will be over once my match membership expires.) anyway, so i have to lie and tell "pancake man" (which we will refer to him as for now as i'm trying to keep him un-blogged as much as possible) that i have a brunch date with a co-worker to go over plans for next season (again, bad liar--too many details).

around noon, i set out to a bar in north beach to meet the arabian. if you do not recall, i met him last weekend at a club with v.w. as there was a large bottle of wine consumed before our meeting and the bar area was dimly lit, i didn't quite remember what he looked like and honestly was still in question as to how to pronounce his name. the plan was to meet up at the bar and watch the world cup game. so, i arrive at the bar... he is pretty easy to spot as he is little taller than the rest of the bar (a definite plus and appears as if he is looking for someone). he immediately spots me and motions me over. we meet with a hug and he immediately orders me a mimosa at the bar. clearly a mind reader. off the bat, he informs me that he isn't really that interested in the game and definitely wants to make sure we can talk during the game (awww cute, right?).

first of all, i have to give the guy total kudos for a great first date idea! bar with game was a perfect way to break the ice and feel one another out. a couple of his friends actually came and met up with us. both cool dudes... one reminded me of my neighbor from home... the other, a great prospect for one of my friends in the city. (don't worry i have already set up a double date. i'm a sharing the wealth kind of chica.) we all hang out, drink, and talk through the game. there are some wild turkey shots for the bar and a little bit of kicking a soccer ball around the crowded bar. so much fun.

the game comes to an end and people begin to trickle out of the bar. then the moment... the moment that i have started dreading on dates... the "what's next?" question. in my mind, this was our time to say "goodbye" and "we should do this again sometime." wrong. he informs me that he really wants to take me to brunch. i start to have flashbacks of first date gone wrong and begin to panic. and like a world cup player trying to keep the ball rolling and under his control, i attempt to fake left and go right. so herein, lie #2 of the day, i tell my jordanian knight that my friend's parents are in town and i need to go meet up with them soon.

so, difference between this date and the first is that... this guy is actually normal and actually has a personality. and he actually genuinely wanted to hang out longer. i attempt to invite his friends along to go with us but after exchanged looks between the bros, they politely decline and give hugs goodbye. we walk up to a outdoor brunch place in north beach and have a delightful late brunch. all in all, great conversation and good food. i actually think that this guy may have second date potential. he lets me know he's flying out to new york tomorrow and then is in barcelona for a week but wants to hang out as soon as he gets back in the city. so clearly, he's interested. i'm not sure if i'm there yet but for the sake of my friend, i definitely get plans on the calendar.

after brunch, he asks me what my plans are for the rest of the day. i let him know that i really have to meet up with my "friend who is in the city for work" and "her parents who flew in from illinois." super bad and unnecessary detailed lie. i think i even stuttered while telling him this. honestly, it was not that i didn't want to spend more time with him. but i truly think first dates are meant to be short and sweet. there is no rush to get to know someone and there is no need for a date to go sour just because of too much time spent together before you are both comfortable. friendships, flings, relationships need time and space to grow. for me, there is no need to jump in. i mean, that and i wanted to meet up with some girlfriends to chit chat about the whole ordeal. and maybe i'm lying to myself. maybe i was thinking about pancake man. or maybe, i was concerned about the rush to comittment or the rush to the bedroom (his that is). hmm... not sure. but i feel like i have time to figure it out.

we hugged and parted ways at the top of russian hill. as i walked away and headed back to my house, i turned around to him as he looked slightly abandoned as if to say "come back." but for this moment, there was no more "what's next here." it was more like "on to the next one." stay tuned.

ADH

the 4-day line up

so here it is, i have 3 dates over the next four days.

date #1 saturday: arabian knight... not so sure that he's actually arabian but he is extremely knight-like. e-mail to confirm date. call to iron out details. pretty impressive, i would say. the plan is to meet at a bar in north beach to watch the world cup game and then possibly brunch. not so thrilled about this idea. i don't really love soccer and a 2-hour game followed by a potentially 1-hour lunch may be overkill. you better believe i will be evaluating the extension option very critically especially after the last date.

date #2 sunday: berkeley phd. this is one i met on my first week of match. seems smart, funny, a bit goofy. but if i don't recall, i believe he's a bit on the shorter side. i'll be open minded... and wear flats instead of the usual 4-inchers. we're doing coffee at a place near union square.

date #3 tuesday: oakland doctor. he's an east coast transplant doing his residency out here. lives in the mission so probably a bit bohemian. kinda excited about this one. definitely a bit of a different type than i'm accustomed to dating. however, his photos seem mixed. in some, he looks like an island dream and others, a mad scientist. the vote is still out. drinks in the financial district after work.

so, now what to wear? three very different guys, three different dates. i think i've got today's date figured out. we'll be watching the game at a bar so i don't want to be too dressed up since it will probably be a lot of guys. outfit = chambray button down, slim cargoes, crock pumps, and some bling to spice it up.


manana, i'm thinking dress. linen maxi or short, flirty summer dress to show off the legs. i'm sure berkeley could appreciate a little skin since he's been hanging around chicas in the bio lab with long white lab coats and lab goggles.


and aah for tuesday, not sure yet. maybe something a little more polished since i'm coming from work. not that i ever really dress up for work. a blazer tends to be a big deal at the office. maybe skinny jeans and a delicate top. don't want to scare the hippie.



any other ideas? wow, this should be fun!

ADH

when it rains, it pours

so it was one of those weekends when the stars all align. the weather was amazing, people were happy, and the city was alive and kickin. v.w. and i decided it was officially a girl's weekend and we were going to live it up. and of course at the back of my mind, i think this is "man getting" time. my plan was to get some action outside of online dating, as i had no dates set up for the weekend. berkeley dude had a stem cell conference and we've rescheduled to next weekend, and i'm still working to get dates landed with oakland doctor, emeryville cop, tiburon tech guy, i-banker who is at the world cup, and a new guy with the profile headline: "got chocolate?" not gonna lie, it's tough working in dating life into the real life schedule.

so before i get into details of this firecracker weekend, i have to prelude with a bit of an explanation. since i have been on this serial dating kick, i have discovered a new level of empowerment when it comes to dating. i was always the girl who would wait for the guy... maybe a bit afraid of rejection. in college, i was just having too much fun with my girlfriends to actually be "on the prowl." if i ran into a cute guy while doing butt bumps with my roommates on the dance floor, well hell that was just dandy. but i was never the type to actually be actively looking and overtly flirting. currently, i have a bit of a new perspective. in the online dating world, you must "wink" and "message" to really jump start conversations with individuals of the opposite sex. you have to let down your guard and open yourself up to rejection and realize at the end of the day, it's really no big deal if he doesn't wink back. "he's just not that into you" and there are countless others who are. it's all about the fun of the game. so, i think i've taken that approach to the streets... and ladies and gentlemen, things are looking up!

so friday after polishing off two bottles of wine, we headed to ambassador... our favorite place in the tenderloin. the minute we walked to the bar, we each striked up conversations with two very clearly interested middle eastern men. mine was mid-height with dark hair, polished but clearly a bit eager. he immediately identified my name as arabic and proceeded to tell me of his travels to iran and saudi arabia. 5 minutes into conversation, digits were requested with the hope of meeting up later on in the night. i thought to myself... why not? one more number in the phone that i will not recognize in a week. the two "arabian knights" exited and v.w. and i ordered the next glass of champagne at the bar. no sooner than the bubbly hit our lips, a group of thirty-something consultants approached. they were quite the dapper crew with impressive resumes (mbas at wharton and law school at harvard). then out of the corner of my eye, i spot him. one of the crew members is a tall, very handsome, statuesque, black man with the confidence of barack and the eyes of denzel. i have encountered this guy since i moved to the city. he is known as an around about towner in sf. i pass by him, making sure to appear as tall and noticeable as ever and slither up to the bar in his direct line of sight. he approaches upon recognizing me from past encounters. we immediately strike up a conversation. about what? i really didn't care. i just wanted to leave a lasting impression. after a heavy amount of flirting, i proceed to prove to him my "badassness"... i lean over to the bartender and asked for two shots of tequila. without prompting, he beats me to the punch and hands the bartender his credit card. what a boss! after a few last words, i decide it is time to make my exit before the tequila hits my system and i say "god knows what" to this potential suitor. i grab v.w. and glide out of the bar, leaving the sweet taste of "tequila" on his tongue. he knows how to find me if he so fancies. so, it is a waiting game... or just a memorable night. i'll take either one!

saturday was another successful day. meeting up with friends at the park and heading to a party in russian hill courtesy of l.z. definitely some strong male potentials at both but nothing worth pursuing. saturday evening began with a restaurant opening in the marina, at which we met a middle-aged gregarious plastic surgeon, an italian pr guy with wavy long locks that rivaled smith's from sex and the city, and a slightly nerdy non-profit guy (who v.w. adored; i was not impressed). i have cards for all of the above. if anyone is interested, i will be happy to set you up with any of these bachelors. for now, my plate is a bit full.

so, i could go on with more of the same but i think you get my point. risk taking is key in this game of dating--whether it's having the balls to get on a dating site or walk up to a guy in a bar. your odds go up when you have the confidence to let go slightly and have a little fun. i think many of us girls are too uptight when it comes to dating. when at the end of the day, you win some, you lose some. but what matters is did you find more of yourself along the way? for me, i can say the answer to that is yes. the more messages i sift through and men that i interact with, i'm definitely getting closer to what i'm really looking for in the type of person i want to spend time with. i would never have known what's out there otherwise. yes, there may be one man out there for me but that's not my focus for now. my friends, it's raining men and i'm going out without an umbrella!




ADH

p.s. brunch and mimosa date on saturday with the "arabian knight!"

match wink of the day

i went for a run on this beautiful evening. as i wrapped up my run and began my cool down jog, jason mraz's "i'm yours" came on my ipod. as i looked over the hill, the sun was beginning to set over the bay bridge and its rays were reflecting off of the transamerica building. the most beautiful site ever. there was a bald orange-robed monk ascending the hill in her merrell hiking boots to my left. she admired as well. as i reached the bottom of the hill, i saw a couple passionately holding in the middle of the street. typically, i would slightly gag but it was all just too beautiful. i had to appreciate. something like hope was in the air tonight. maybe hope for an upcoming jackpot date? then, i stepped in my apt. upon checking my blackberry i found the below wink and message....

"i'm a fun down two earth man whit a plane two be sumthen big in life so my match need two be real and ready for the world and u can be pretty on the out side but its whats in the inside the counts .......so keep that in mind"

then the music died. i was going to ask for his picture, but i feel like that's not so necessary.

btw, have no fear that this blog is going to turn into a monefest. i'm working on setting up a date for this weekend. phd from berkeley! but he's only 5'8. will keep you updated.

ADH