a friend and i had an interesting conversation this weekend over saturday brunch. it was about "fate" or more specifically "fated love." her parents met when her mother was rescued from the pooring rain by a young college co-ed... and her sister fell in love with her husband when they met eyes in a college classroom (her sister was actually dating another guy, broke up with him, and married her classroom connection 4 months later). so all stories aside, does meeting someone on an online dating site make your love less "meant to be?" i actually was of the same thought p.m. (pre-match). i have always been a strong believer in "organic love," the kind that isn't forced or sought after but just happens and is just right.
but i think in an age and time when everything is about the constant bustle. jobs are more time consuming, we have the internet and a host of other new inventions to occupy our time, there are even more vacation spots. and younger people (especially in a city like san francisco) are making more money sooner and have access to all of the above earlier. people don't make time for love. many are even shut off to looking for love "until their career slows down" or "until they finish school" or "until they are over the single phase." it's almost as if love has lost it's lack luster. so maybe online dating has a place in today's world. maybe sad it has come to this but maybe a "necessary evil."
on the flipside, maybe we've got it right in letting jobs, etc. consume our lives now and focusing on the rest later. what is it some 80% of marriages end in divorce. (ok, not trying to be oprah...not sure of the statistic). but have we finally beat the social system of "you need to get married asap" and figured out that maybe 35 is the new 25. i have cousins who waited till they were older to get married and they seem to have been successful. maybe sites like match.com and eharmony are trying to rush us into love.
from my 3 month experience, i will say this... 1. yes, if you are a busy person and live in a city with busy people, love may have to be a pursuit. when singles in the city spend 80% of their free time in bars (where let's be honest everyone is looking for booty), you have to take the time to look elsewhere, make yourself available, and open up your options. the guys that are going to see you on the bus and fall in love are what i would call hopeless romantics and the ones that still exist in this day and age are taken.
2. online dating can screw with fate and push you into the "i want mr. right now instead of mr. right mode!" although most people on the site are already at that place which is why they signed up.
3. do we want fate or compatibility? i definitely felt like online dating helped me find more people that i had things in common with, which had been my gripe p.m. (not enough guys in the city that had my similar lifestyle, goals, etc.) and what makes more of a lasting relationship... fate or compatibility? my guess is work, either way and lots of it.
4. but maybe online dating is a faster fate. maybe you would have found that person anyway, it would have just taken you another 20 years if you both had not wandered onto the same dating site, during the same couple of months, found each others profile, winked and/or messaged one another at the same time... you get my drift.
anyway, just some food for the mind. something i'm thinking about as i'm accessing mr. berkeley and mr. pancakes. where is the fate? thoughts?
ADH
Oh Oprah....
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