getting the guy

so last night after a day in tiburon with friends on our way to a play in berkeley for the evening, mr. pancakes asked me why women feel the need to "say the right things" and/or "play the game." so, i guess this brings me to the question: why do we feel like we have to create this monumental "strategy" to get a man? are the charades as necessary as we think? according to mr. pancakes, the right man will like you no matter what you do or say. the others are "just not that into you."

so, to be honest there have been days where i have saved text messages in my inbox and reviewed thousands of times before sending them off. ok, maybe this is a bit excessive but contrary to the belief of mr. pancakes, no matter what the situation is... getting the right guy and getting him to treat you as you deserved to be treated is an art form. i know this because i have a hell of a lot more guys interested now, then when i was naive and thought a guy would be interested in me even if i did text him 20 times a day.

so over the years--as i have refined my skills, what has seemed to work for me in "getting a guy" is the stop/go game. basically, letting them know i'm interested but not overly interested/obsessed. 1. it's important to let guys know that u have a life outside of them. u should have a life and enjoy it. in looking for wifey (or gf) material, men want the full package. 2. if you have other priorities other than them, it is a sign to them, that u are not a stalker or a "mad black woman." there r too many of them out there for men not to be cautious. 3. the last piece of this is that if a girl is not overly interested, she most likely has other options. as i've said before men want to win. they don't want to forfeit and they don't want to win a thrown game. they want a fair match and the more competitive the game, the better. they want to be the one u choose because that means they are special/better than the rest. they are the fittest and have survived your tests.

so as it may be, here is natural selection at its best. here i am writing this while waiting for mr. berkeley to arrive. we are having dinner this week as he was away in tahoe all weekend (which was great as i got to spend some quality time with mr. pancakes). i had a discussion with v.w. and m.v. on our run this morning about whether i should go on a third date with mr. berkeley or not. their advice was no, so that i don't lead this guy along or cause mr. pancakes to doubt me. however, i told them i still was not sure as to which guy might be the winner.

nevertheless...while apart of me tells me i'm on this date because i truly like this guy and enjoy his company. another part of me knows that i'm in it for the thrill of the game (i.e. to keep mr. pancakes on his toes). and to truly find my prince charming, these dudes r going to have to battle it out. i'm taking no prisoners. maybe playing a bit with fire... but hot never felt so good!



ADH