date numero 1: arabian knight

so as i suspected, he was not quite arabian. he was jordanian, slightly different but you get it--tall dude, dark hair, thick accent. and actually, pretty cute but not antonio sabato jr. (wait, he is latin... not middle eastern--i suck at this.)

ok, again another preface: things start to get extremely interesting when you enter the world of "serial dating." and what i mean by "interesting" is that you have to LIE a lot to keep the ball moving. and any of you who know me, realize that lying is not my cup of tea. as it says in my match profile "what you see is what you get" and what you typically get from me is the "god honest gospel truth."

so, i wake up saturday morning, a bit of a hangover from m.d.'s birthday celebration the night before but nothing to snuff about. i look at my phone and i have a missed call and a text from the guy that i have been hanging out with (p.m.--or pre match). he wants me to come over for pancakes! what irony! three months ago, i would have woken up to nothing but a house to clean. but no, now that i have a date in 3 hours, all of a sudden i'm getting brunch invites from every man in a 10 mile radius (ok, i will stop exaggerating and get over myself. especially as i do realize this will be over once my match membership expires.) anyway, so i have to lie and tell "pancake man" (which we will refer to him as for now as i'm trying to keep him un-blogged as much as possible) that i have a brunch date with a co-worker to go over plans for next season (again, bad liar--too many details).

around noon, i set out to a bar in north beach to meet the arabian. if you do not recall, i met him last weekend at a club with v.w. as there was a large bottle of wine consumed before our meeting and the bar area was dimly lit, i didn't quite remember what he looked like and honestly was still in question as to how to pronounce his name. the plan was to meet up at the bar and watch the world cup game. so, i arrive at the bar... he is pretty easy to spot as he is little taller than the rest of the bar (a definite plus and appears as if he is looking for someone). he immediately spots me and motions me over. we meet with a hug and he immediately orders me a mimosa at the bar. clearly a mind reader. off the bat, he informs me that he isn't really that interested in the game and definitely wants to make sure we can talk during the game (awww cute, right?).

first of all, i have to give the guy total kudos for a great first date idea! bar with game was a perfect way to break the ice and feel one another out. a couple of his friends actually came and met up with us. both cool dudes... one reminded me of my neighbor from home... the other, a great prospect for one of my friends in the city. (don't worry i have already set up a double date. i'm a sharing the wealth kind of chica.) we all hang out, drink, and talk through the game. there are some wild turkey shots for the bar and a little bit of kicking a soccer ball around the crowded bar. so much fun.

the game comes to an end and people begin to trickle out of the bar. then the moment... the moment that i have started dreading on dates... the "what's next?" question. in my mind, this was our time to say "goodbye" and "we should do this again sometime." wrong. he informs me that he really wants to take me to brunch. i start to have flashbacks of first date gone wrong and begin to panic. and like a world cup player trying to keep the ball rolling and under his control, i attempt to fake left and go right. so herein, lie #2 of the day, i tell my jordanian knight that my friend's parents are in town and i need to go meet up with them soon.

so, difference between this date and the first is that... this guy is actually normal and actually has a personality. and he actually genuinely wanted to hang out longer. i attempt to invite his friends along to go with us but after exchanged looks between the bros, they politely decline and give hugs goodbye. we walk up to a outdoor brunch place in north beach and have a delightful late brunch. all in all, great conversation and good food. i actually think that this guy may have second date potential. he lets me know he's flying out to new york tomorrow and then is in barcelona for a week but wants to hang out as soon as he gets back in the city. so clearly, he's interested. i'm not sure if i'm there yet but for the sake of my friend, i definitely get plans on the calendar.

after brunch, he asks me what my plans are for the rest of the day. i let him know that i really have to meet up with my "friend who is in the city for work" and "her parents who flew in from illinois." super bad and unnecessary detailed lie. i think i even stuttered while telling him this. honestly, it was not that i didn't want to spend more time with him. but i truly think first dates are meant to be short and sweet. there is no rush to get to know someone and there is no need for a date to go sour just because of too much time spent together before you are both comfortable. friendships, flings, relationships need time and space to grow. for me, there is no need to jump in. i mean, that and i wanted to meet up with some girlfriends to chit chat about the whole ordeal. and maybe i'm lying to myself. maybe i was thinking about pancake man. or maybe, i was concerned about the rush to comittment or the rush to the bedroom (his that is). hmm... not sure. but i feel like i have time to figure it out.

we hugged and parted ways at the top of russian hill. as i walked away and headed back to my house, i turned around to him as he looked slightly abandoned as if to say "come back." but for this moment, there was no more "what's next here." it was more like "on to the next one." stay tuned.

ADH

the 4-day line up

so here it is, i have 3 dates over the next four days.

date #1 saturday: arabian knight... not so sure that he's actually arabian but he is extremely knight-like. e-mail to confirm date. call to iron out details. pretty impressive, i would say. the plan is to meet at a bar in north beach to watch the world cup game and then possibly brunch. not so thrilled about this idea. i don't really love soccer and a 2-hour game followed by a potentially 1-hour lunch may be overkill. you better believe i will be evaluating the extension option very critically especially after the last date.

date #2 sunday: berkeley phd. this is one i met on my first week of match. seems smart, funny, a bit goofy. but if i don't recall, i believe he's a bit on the shorter side. i'll be open minded... and wear flats instead of the usual 4-inchers. we're doing coffee at a place near union square.

date #3 tuesday: oakland doctor. he's an east coast transplant doing his residency out here. lives in the mission so probably a bit bohemian. kinda excited about this one. definitely a bit of a different type than i'm accustomed to dating. however, his photos seem mixed. in some, he looks like an island dream and others, a mad scientist. the vote is still out. drinks in the financial district after work.

so, now what to wear? three very different guys, three different dates. i think i've got today's date figured out. we'll be watching the game at a bar so i don't want to be too dressed up since it will probably be a lot of guys. outfit = chambray button down, slim cargoes, crock pumps, and some bling to spice it up.


manana, i'm thinking dress. linen maxi or short, flirty summer dress to show off the legs. i'm sure berkeley could appreciate a little skin since he's been hanging around chicas in the bio lab with long white lab coats and lab goggles.


and aah for tuesday, not sure yet. maybe something a little more polished since i'm coming from work. not that i ever really dress up for work. a blazer tends to be a big deal at the office. maybe skinny jeans and a delicate top. don't want to scare the hippie.



any other ideas? wow, this should be fun!

ADH

when it rains, it pours

so it was one of those weekends when the stars all align. the weather was amazing, people were happy, and the city was alive and kickin. v.w. and i decided it was officially a girl's weekend and we were going to live it up. and of course at the back of my mind, i think this is "man getting" time. my plan was to get some action outside of online dating, as i had no dates set up for the weekend. berkeley dude had a stem cell conference and we've rescheduled to next weekend, and i'm still working to get dates landed with oakland doctor, emeryville cop, tiburon tech guy, i-banker who is at the world cup, and a new guy with the profile headline: "got chocolate?" not gonna lie, it's tough working in dating life into the real life schedule.

so before i get into details of this firecracker weekend, i have to prelude with a bit of an explanation. since i have been on this serial dating kick, i have discovered a new level of empowerment when it comes to dating. i was always the girl who would wait for the guy... maybe a bit afraid of rejection. in college, i was just having too much fun with my girlfriends to actually be "on the prowl." if i ran into a cute guy while doing butt bumps with my roommates on the dance floor, well hell that was just dandy. but i was never the type to actually be actively looking and overtly flirting. currently, i have a bit of a new perspective. in the online dating world, you must "wink" and "message" to really jump start conversations with individuals of the opposite sex. you have to let down your guard and open yourself up to rejection and realize at the end of the day, it's really no big deal if he doesn't wink back. "he's just not that into you" and there are countless others who are. it's all about the fun of the game. so, i think i've taken that approach to the streets... and ladies and gentlemen, things are looking up!

so friday after polishing off two bottles of wine, we headed to ambassador... our favorite place in the tenderloin. the minute we walked to the bar, we each striked up conversations with two very clearly interested middle eastern men. mine was mid-height with dark hair, polished but clearly a bit eager. he immediately identified my name as arabic and proceeded to tell me of his travels to iran and saudi arabia. 5 minutes into conversation, digits were requested with the hope of meeting up later on in the night. i thought to myself... why not? one more number in the phone that i will not recognize in a week. the two "arabian knights" exited and v.w. and i ordered the next glass of champagne at the bar. no sooner than the bubbly hit our lips, a group of thirty-something consultants approached. they were quite the dapper crew with impressive resumes (mbas at wharton and law school at harvard). then out of the corner of my eye, i spot him. one of the crew members is a tall, very handsome, statuesque, black man with the confidence of barack and the eyes of denzel. i have encountered this guy since i moved to the city. he is known as an around about towner in sf. i pass by him, making sure to appear as tall and noticeable as ever and slither up to the bar in his direct line of sight. he approaches upon recognizing me from past encounters. we immediately strike up a conversation. about what? i really didn't care. i just wanted to leave a lasting impression. after a heavy amount of flirting, i proceed to prove to him my "badassness"... i lean over to the bartender and asked for two shots of tequila. without prompting, he beats me to the punch and hands the bartender his credit card. what a boss! after a few last words, i decide it is time to make my exit before the tequila hits my system and i say "god knows what" to this potential suitor. i grab v.w. and glide out of the bar, leaving the sweet taste of "tequila" on his tongue. he knows how to find me if he so fancies. so, it is a waiting game... or just a memorable night. i'll take either one!

saturday was another successful day. meeting up with friends at the park and heading to a party in russian hill courtesy of l.z. definitely some strong male potentials at both but nothing worth pursuing. saturday evening began with a restaurant opening in the marina, at which we met a middle-aged gregarious plastic surgeon, an italian pr guy with wavy long locks that rivaled smith's from sex and the city, and a slightly nerdy non-profit guy (who v.w. adored; i was not impressed). i have cards for all of the above. if anyone is interested, i will be happy to set you up with any of these bachelors. for now, my plate is a bit full.

so, i could go on with more of the same but i think you get my point. risk taking is key in this game of dating--whether it's having the balls to get on a dating site or walk up to a guy in a bar. your odds go up when you have the confidence to let go slightly and have a little fun. i think many of us girls are too uptight when it comes to dating. when at the end of the day, you win some, you lose some. but what matters is did you find more of yourself along the way? for me, i can say the answer to that is yes. the more messages i sift through and men that i interact with, i'm definitely getting closer to what i'm really looking for in the type of person i want to spend time with. i would never have known what's out there otherwise. yes, there may be one man out there for me but that's not my focus for now. my friends, it's raining men and i'm going out without an umbrella!




ADH

p.s. brunch and mimosa date on saturday with the "arabian knight!"

match wink of the day

i went for a run on this beautiful evening. as i wrapped up my run and began my cool down jog, jason mraz's "i'm yours" came on my ipod. as i looked over the hill, the sun was beginning to set over the bay bridge and its rays were reflecting off of the transamerica building. the most beautiful site ever. there was a bald orange-robed monk ascending the hill in her merrell hiking boots to my left. she admired as well. as i reached the bottom of the hill, i saw a couple passionately holding in the middle of the street. typically, i would slightly gag but it was all just too beautiful. i had to appreciate. something like hope was in the air tonight. maybe hope for an upcoming jackpot date? then, i stepped in my apt. upon checking my blackberry i found the below wink and message....

"i'm a fun down two earth man whit a plane two be sumthen big in life so my match need two be real and ready for the world and u can be pretty on the out side but its whats in the inside the counts .......so keep that in mind"

then the music died. i was going to ask for his picture, but i feel like that's not so necessary.

btw, have no fear that this blog is going to turn into a monefest. i'm working on setting up a date for this weekend. phd from berkeley! but he's only 5'8. will keep you updated.

ADH

the forever single girl

just some food for thought. below is an excerpt from an article i was reading on my way to work this morning. i felt like it really hit the nail on the head in reference to what "relationship people" often don't get about those of us who "just want to date." i have always considered myself (and some of my friends--e.s. and r.p.) the "forever single girl." one can question whether deep down i really do desire a committed relationship. and maybe this is the motive behind this mission. but honestly at the end of the day, i can tell u i'm loving the ride as we all should enjoy the excitement of getting to know someone new. this is not to bash relationships because i think these too can be great. but none of us can deny that we don't love connecting eyes with the person across the room that you have been staring at all night (or in the online dating, get the "wink back" from the hottie with the great chin), the thrill of first dates, the endless questions that run through your mind in reference to the age old question "does he like me," and the best of all that tingly feeling you get when you connect eyes with that special person and realize that you are totally falling for them....


[Why do people] rush into making what you have something serious[?] Enjoy the excitement of not knowing everything about each other, especially the annoying stuff. Relish that moment when you are content with all of a person -- once you reveal everything, the mystery is not easily replicated.

The fantastic sensation of suspense and surprise that accompanies your dates will become rarer as your lives meld together. Ride the roller coaster, and instead of freaking out about every foot you go up the big hill, relish that you don't know the twists and turns yet. Once you do, it won't be nearly as thrilling.

Too often, dating feels like a race towards a committed relationship. But there are many people who have crossed the finish line and wouldn't mind going back. At least I wouldn't. How about you?

ADH

(excerpt courtesy of cnn.com, kelli bender)

the perfect fit

here i am on a flight back from new york after an amazing weekend with my best girlfriends from college. my closest friends are truly the loves of my life and the people in the world who know me as well as the two people who gave birth to me. so, it was only right that i commission their help on my search.

i gave each of them my dating site name and password and told them to select people that could be a good match for me. although only a few of their selections really appealed to me, at the end of the day, all of the selections were motivated, successful, intellectual, good looking guys--what i would say is "my type." so, it brings up the question, is it that "my type" are the "wrong" types of guys? are the successful, good looking, corporate types the "bad boys" of the modern twenty year old (the cheaters, the liars, the womanizers)? one of my close friends wrote me an e-mail after she had heard that I had resorted to online dating:

In all seriousness, why do you think you dont meet the right kinds of men? You've been around the country and seem to have only been impressed by one guy - any theories? What was so great about f.w. and how can you meet more guys with those qualities?

after some thought, i have come to the conclusion that i am picky and am extremely reluctant to let myself fall for just anyone. i am extremely satisfied with my life and the people i currently share it with (i.e. my family and friends). and if i am going to let anyone infiltrate this brickhouse, they better be pretty f*ing amazing and most importantly, be a great fit! but even to the point of just meeting people and going on dates, i have too many amazing people in my life already to sacrifice the time i share with them to even spend two hours on a miserable date with someone who may create more harm than good (and risk me losing my sanity or my life for that matter).

so learning: maybe i have an opportunity to be a bit more open minded in my selections. don't get me wrong. i will not be loosening my standards by going on dates with guys who have different morals or social standards than myself. i.e., i will not be going on a date with mr. drug dealer who we have more recently found out works for san francisco bart or the ex-football player who keeps sending me "good morning pretty girl messages." (r.p. has screened this one and informed me that based on looks, she would not be my friend if i go out on a date with him.) but here, i am challenging myself (and my friends) to seek more guys who look, feel, seem different than the guys that i typically date (maybe some runners, some creative types, hell even maybe some hot asian dudes).

let's see where this gets us. the countdown is on.

the first one's the worst- mr. stanford

he walked into the bar (a place called rye in the tenderoin) ... tall, a bit gangly, and with a bit of a sway that said to me... maybe u like men. either way, i was going to be open minded and even possibly open hearted. he introduced himself with a hug and not a handshake (good sign in my opinion... at least he thought i was hot enough to hold). he was cute, not handsome... just cute...kinda like a little brother's friend cute. his drink was bourbon and mine was champagne. the date proceeded as normal. questions and answers. but maybe 10 mins into this q+a sess, i realized that something was a bit off. all of the questions were coming from me. he had less than two words when not prompted by my inquiries and even his responses felt like they came straight from his match.com profile. i mean the dude was an mba from stanford, he clearly was not stupid. then i realized what we had on our hands here... a nerd, and a socially awkward one at that... the kind of nerd that can't really function unless spewing textbook knowledge on key topics such as cloning and photosynthesis. anything relating to real life situations, they go blank. and this is what this conversation was... very blank.

so i said to myself, you can do this. make lemons out of lemonade. just keep asking questions. and the more i asked, the more bored i became and the more glasses of champagne i pounded. so with the sun about setting and about 45 minutes into this conversation which consisted of me wracking my brain for anything i could think of to talk about to avoid the awkward silences that were imminent, i felt the time had come for us to part ways (and swiftly). apparently though, mr. stanford had other bright ideas.

him: how about we grab dinner?

me (in my head): what the hell? have we been on the same date? why would you want to continue this excrutiatingly painful experience?

me (out loud... but three drinks in might i remind you): sure? with a hesitant quiver in my voice

despite that this was a clearly less than enjoyable experience for both of us, he was a match.com, make-it-work kinda dude. in his mind, we could be the future mr. and mrs. stanford/heathcliff and claire huxtable/michelle and barack. he could have cared less if we went through our entire lives without the zaza-zing... that it factor that differentiates good relationships from great relationships.

so i excused myself to head to the bathroom before we leave for dinner. i feel his eyes staring as i look for the bathroom. "akilah, it's over there, " he yells... as if he thinks i were trying to escape. (again, clearly a smart guy... as the thought of bolting out the back door was on my mind.) so i took a breather in the bathroom, tried to stabilize all of the confusing thoughts and feelings rushing through my head. then like a big girl, i pulled it together, fixed my hair, and walked confidently out of the restroom.

he was waiting at the door, guardingly almost. as soon as we stepped out of the bar, he moved briskly, like a man on a mission as i practically ran in my 4 inch heels to keep up with him. we walked a block, another block, another block, and another block. as i passed one tranny prostitute on the street, i connected eyes with her/him... all i wanted to say was... i feel ur pain... like u feel trapped on this street corner, i feel trapped on this date.

we finally arrived at our destination. a small hole in the wall korean place on geary. he informed me--in a show-offish way--that the best and the only thing to order here was nothing other than the "FOUR MEAT PLATTER."

yes, here it was... my time to shine! with three words, i could make this dude realize that we were most certainly not meant to be a happily ever after nerdy couple. i proudly announced, "oops, i'm a vegetarian." his lips fell silent with utter disbelief. i had won! the spell had been broken. no more dreams of family bbqs with our own little malia and sasha running around the backyard. he grunted that the meat dish was the only good dish at the restaurant, and we had to go elsewhere.

we chose an indian restaurant a block away. the food was decent, the conversation was not (especially as the alcohol wore off). i closed the night quickly as soon as possible, asking for the check as soon as the last piece of naan was consumed. realizing this date would most likely not be followed up with a second. he cut bait and asked that we split the check and proceeded to exit the restaurant.

my goal was to grab and cab and head home to sleep but he wanted to share. so again, i conceded. what was another awkward 10 minutes? he insisted that i be dropped of first. with my stalker sense on high alert, i asked the cab driver to stop a block away from my place. he leaned in for a hug and i responded with a quick tap and a run. no kiss would happen... i would have rather kissed the cab driver for bringing me home. i ran into my apartment to the arms of v.w. and m.v. home never felt so good.

so basically, first date was not a success but i'm not ready to give up. next man... bring him on! stay tuned.

ADH

post weekend update

so didn't end up going on the intended date this weekend. the film producer had a "music video" to shoot this weekend. ummm... believable? maybe...or he had to work the sunday afternoon shift at the mcdonald's over on king st. i think i saw him as i was running past the other day. with my luck, i would not be shocked.

which brings me to another great story: so i've been messaging with a guy that lives in east oakland. from a looks perspective (tall, dark, clean cut, nice teeth... denzel look about him), he actually was at the top end of my list 'o mans. then i received a message on my blackberry today...

"me: i saw in your profile that you garden/landscape? i’m intrigued.
him: yeah…i grow cannabis for a hobby but i just do it for extra money."

hmmm… so basically, i've reeled in a drug dealer???? NOT OKAY! looking for a partner, not a partner in crime.

but my friends, have no fear. redemption is here. as of an hour ago, i officially have a date! usc undergrad and stanford grad. 6'4, internet nerd, and a bit outdoorsy. seems super cool and picked a great place for drinks after work on tuesday. will recap on wednesday!


ADH

the first frog

last night i finally saw the premiere of sex and the city. i thought to myself... the ladies of satc dated a ton of really questionable dudes in the tv series but still somehow survived and were able to laugh about it in the end (i.e. carrie and the guy with the stye, samantha and the man under 4 feet, miranda and the curly haired dude in the first season.) i left inspired and ready to do this… people, for better or worse, i’m going on my first date. no more looking for mr. right, we need a mr. right now to get this ball rolling. good, bad, or ugly. you have to kiss some frogs to get to the prince, right? (not that there will be any kissing until i have full comfort that my date is neither homeless nor psychopath).

So, here we have alex m… the film producer who lives in nob hill. resume includes nike & toyota commercials and an independent film “the guatemala incident” that can be found on youtube (i only watched 2 secs of it and skimmed to make sure it was not a porn but please feel free to view the entire movie and call me IMMEDIATELY if anything screams a CRAZY MAN produced this). as i stated before, his pictures are a bit blurry, so not sure what he really looks like (concerning, i know!)

planning on setting up coffee date on sunday after church as i will need an intense prayer session before going into this. i have commissioned m.v. and another male friend to chaperone the situation at a place across the street so they can get a visual in case i am hauled off into sex slavery somewhere.

so, here’s to going balls to the wall. will follow up on monday.

ADH

at first wink... the plan

strategy #1 (à la v.w.): identify as many good looking, seemingly normal guys and send out the online dating equivalent of the hair toss/eye bat/brush up... "the wink." as of today, i have sent out 17 winks... mostly to the guys that i would consider to be my type. i have received 7. honestly, this method has not been as effective as i thought. i have not received very many wink backs/e-mails from the above actions. hmmm... how have 110 profile views only converted 7 approaches? not good. maybe i need to post the karaoke night short skirt photos.

strategy #2: post, watch, and wait. this surprisingly... has been quite lucrative. probably due to the fact that i am match fresh meat. apparently, i am quite popular with the over 35 crowd and of course the obvious "gbms" (ghetto black mans... as coined by v.w.).

just to name a few of the no gos...the questionable ex-football player love doctor who reminded me of one of my cousins, willie with photos that looked like lil jon's next album cover, and a very aggressive pale 42 year-old from petaluma who sent me pictures of what appeared to be him manning a pittbull dog fight.

strategy #3: look outside the box. search profiles for keywords that pertain to my interest like "running," "wine," "georgia." then send short, sweet "i'm intrigued" e-mails to guys that spark my interest but i would not quite describe as my type. this one is tbd... no real bites yet.

so, i bet you're wondering if i have any dates set up. as of right now, the answer is no. we have a very eager 35-year old film producer from north beach that continues to send blurry pictures and is very eager to meet for coffee. although m.v. and v.w. say the best way to find out whether you might get along with someone is to meet them, i am approaching with caution.

as for other prospects, not feeling optimistic right now. any suggestions on better strategies to track down the mr. rights? any fun search keywords you think i should use?

ADH

the profile

writing the profile... maybe the most difficult thing i have written since the term paper for my sacred journeys class freshmen year. thank god for a bottle of champers, ghiradelli brownies, and a little moral support from l.z.

dilemma... do i go for professional michelle? the sexpot? the party girl? or the simple girl next door?



the headline: I'm fun, easy going, and love to laugh. I'm a what you see is what you get kind of girl! (hmmm... maybe a bit too eager sounding.)

about me: I'm honestly not expecting to find the love of my life or the greatest guy on earth. I'm just looking forward to a new way to meet driven, motivated, and humble guys in the city (and what I meant by that was Yes, you must have a job.). I love spending time with people who enjoy life--from the simple daily treasures to the exciting adventures that God grants us along each of our journeys. It would be great to meet someone who gets me and gets just that! (very sweet, right?)

about my date: you should be over 5'10 (i need to be able to wear heels so this is a deal breaker), you must have at least a bachelor's degree and a job that you get paid money to do (and that would need to be more than my salary). I'm open to all ethnicities, would prefer a non-smoker but will settle for a cigar aficionado, would like a social or moderate drinker, and the last but most certainly not least criteria... you must not in any way, shape or form have children.

so is this me? or in h.s.'s words with reference to my sad attempt at dressing hipster in the mission... did i totally miss the mark? what would you write to describe yourself? not as easy as you think i promise. suggestions for amendments are accepted.

ADH