a lot to be thankful for...

out in sonoma for the week, spending thanksgiving with my bestie from highschool. thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays for so many reasons: i mean the food, of course... nothing better than stuffing face for hours and drinking endless amounts of wine; but family; friends; loved ones; life. it's one of those holidays that makes you close your eyes and sigh with joy. when it was my turn, i couldn't help but break out quite the poetic graduation-style speech as we all sat around the thanksgiving table professing what we were most thankful for. to my left, my best friend and her boyfriend of 9 months, to my right my friends parents of closer to 29 years, and in front of me my best friend's little brother and his high school girlfriend of what seemed like something close to a lifetime--the way young love can often look and feel.

and then there was me... single girl strikes again. no pitty needed here. i had a great time with this company. but no matter how confidently single i am. there was apart of me that couldn't help but feel just a little bit lonely. despite their little couple spats and little relationship flaws (the ones that us single people look for in all relationships to justify why we don't want to "get serious"), i couldn't help but wish there was someone holding my hand under the dinner table or snuggling under the blanket next to the firepit at the end of the evening.

i will not lie. after a riveting game of catchphrase, i snuck down to the guest bedroom and sent a few texts to a few special someones that were on my mind. i'm pretty sure u can guess who.

happy thanksgiving.


ADH

wine and cheese

mr. berkeley met me after work for dinner in nob hill before wine night. was actually really excited to see him, and even got a few of those wonderful little butterflies when i saw him peering at me across the table in the dimly lit restaurant. after we finished eating, we headed up to v.w.'s bf's place for wine night. wine night is a monthly tribute to the wine gods... or our excuse for mid-week drinking. we each bring a bottle of our choosing and share about the wine--winery, tasting notes, pairings, b.s. that we come up with to sound fancy... you know, wine talk. (hilariously, it started out as a couples wine night. however, my date to the first wine night cancelled on me. so, it's always been just couples and me... bridget jones style.) this wine night this cheese was not standing alone.






mr. berkeley fit right in. discussion about sports with the guys, family talk with the ladies. he seemed to say all the right things. with questions, he was charming. with our ridiculous sassy jokes with one another, he laughed... and at one point got in on the fun and cracked a joke about his height. even when the question was posed about our meeting, he responded with perfect ease... "we met on match, but i feel like i've known her for longer." it was kind of one of those comments that made my heart skip a beat. as the night went on, the couples got cozier as they typically do once the booze sets in... a kiss here, a love rub there. i thought this part of the night might get awkward, but appallingly it didn't. he comfortably and confidently put his arm around my back and tenderly rubbed my shoulder. it was nice and natural. i didn't feel like pulling away or running in the opposite direction as i have in the past.

as the night came to a close, i walked mr. berkeley to his car. he gave me a good night kiss. great kisser. and as i stood up on the curb, i confessed, "i've never kissed a guy this short." his retort, "i'm sure u can get used to that." i smiled and was impressed. as i walked away, i thought about what a wonderful, relaxing evening it had been. i really couldn't ask for anything more. and unlike the lasagna that m.v. insisted was "not going to last," i thought to myself this might go somewhere. and somewhere good. for now, just taking it one night at a time.

ADH

the fortune of mr. j.crew

so a quick catch up before the action begins this week...

the past week has been quite actually eventful. i'm feeling slightly champion-like, which fits right in with the feeling in the city with the giants world series win. after feeling some kinda bad on wednesday for turning down 45 for wine night this week, i went out for a drink to celebrate the giants victory with v.w. and her b.f. while out, we ran into a former classmate of v.w.... quite a charming, preppy fellow (something like what would have been my type in high school, when i was naive and boy crazy)... we'll call him mr. j.crew--he was also a rower in college so a bit of double entendre there. from what i can remember amidst the cheering and champagne popping of the evening, we possibly had a nice conversation (or really it may have been a run-in in line at the bathroom... i can't really remember). but anyway, he asked for my number as i exited from the bathroom. awkward some would say, but a number is a number. in a bathroom line or not. and guess what? the next morning, i woke up to a text, "hi, here's my number." wow! usually guys wait a few days, this one was eager. and i didn't hate it.

friday night rolls around. and who do i receive a text from? none other than mr. crew. i already had plans and proposed to hang out later in the weekend... wanted to make him wait. instead, went to a cocktail party in russian hill with p.k. and then popped over to north beach to meet up with p.k.'s brother. no sooner than i show my i.d. to the door man, a young man walks up to me with bright eyes and perched eyebrows. indeed, it was...mr. crew striking again. fate, coincidence, or stalking? i'm going to go with the former. it's a small city and the stalker thing is just scary. as fortunate as the run-in was for him, it was quite unfortunate for me. umm yeah...i had no clue who he was.

you know those moments when you realize you are an alcoholic because you can't remember people you met less than a week ago. a bit embarassing. totally remembered his face but gosh darnit, just couldn't place him. so, i made up a bad lie to recover. and hilariously, he re-introduced himself and actually wasn't as offended as i would be. he even introduced me to his friends... all a nice bunch of lads. but fact of the matter was... i was tired and a bit overboozed from the night's activities. i politely informed him that i needed to return home before my carriage turned into a pumpkin (i.e. before they found me passed out in a corner of the bar). his response was he to try and convince me to go to the next bar. i pushed back. insisted that i had to go home and not waiting for his response, bolted out the door. whew... made my escape. clean break. and you won't believe it...dude actually followed me. interested or desperate? but maybe this is the kind of guy i need to be giving a chance... the kind that don't want me to get away... the kind that will chase.

"are you sure you don't want to come to the next bar?" he yelled. i shook my head with an apologetic smile. cab finally arrived. i waved goodbye. his eyes still fixated in my direction, he walked backwards to the bar. i slivered in my sequin skirt into the cab. so point of the story is that i'm not so sure how i feel about this one. but i think a sober one-on-one could be in the future.

have friends in town the end of this week. hoping to do wine with mr. crew sometime this week. and as a subin for 45... mr. berkeley is coming down for wine night! will keep you updated!

ADH

45... the weigh in

so, it always seems to be the men who you are less interested in that are by far the more interested in you. it's kind of like the unrequited love thing... i think it makes some men go crazy. anyway... 45 has been quite the persistent 'ol lad. over the past couple weeks since our drink night rendez-vous, i have received a number of sporadic texts with invitations to dinner, drinks, etc. truly having been extremely occupied with work and my social schedule, i had so politely declined his invitations. however, on monday, he cornered me.

his text: "dinner tomorrow night? you work too much."



so, i decided to give in. however, i would be bringing a decoy... a buffer if u will. i told him that my roommate and i already had plans (total lie!), but he was welcome to join. this is not to say that i did not want to spend one-on-one time with him (because if this was the case, i would have stopped responding to his texts after the first drink). i think my need to bring along the wing woman drew from his overly ardent interest in me. something i still couldn't put my finger on. i couldn't just believe that his attraction was that i was a "hot, young piece of a**" as my roommate so eloquently put it. there was something more to this man... and i needed a second opinion. (that and i've been reading a book about a child abduction and the thought of being alone with any man at night is just frightening.)

v.w. had a meeting earlier in the evening, so we planned to meet 45/tom brokaw at 8:30 at a bar on polk st. when i walked in, v.w. was chatting it up with some new friends she had made at the bar, drink already in hand... in true v.w. fashion. we grabbed a table and immediately ordered a bottle of la crema. it was clear that both of us were peering at the door amidst our conversation. every man over the age of 40 that walked into the door of the bar, v.w. would look over at me bright-eyed.

when 45 finally arrived, i caught his eye and he came and joined us at the table. he greeted me with a kiss on the cheek... that i actually found quite charming. i introduced him to v.w. and surprisingly they hit it off right away. i honestly think their immediate connection had more to do with the fact that my roommate was a history major in college... and to be quite frank 45 is possibly pre-historic. either way... i loved it. this was the easiest date ever. i got to drink my wine and relax for the evening, while they debated the cold war, the vietnam war, and both world wars. and the more hilarious part, i felt no need to engage in the conversation. i guess when you are only lukewarm about someone, you don't feel the need to impress them. dauntingly though, 45 was not put off by my disinterest. he was actually turned on and continued to peer over during his conversation with v.w. and even proceeded to move his chair closer to mine, while discussing whether hitler was the true cause of wwii. (ironically, i think he took my disinterest for me being the demure, silent type. my greatest fear backfiring on me at this very moment.)

after about an hour of sheer boredom on my part, i took control and wrapped things up. he offered to drive us home and while typically, i would politely decline for safety reasons, i was pretty drunk at this point and thought to myself, would he really attempt to abduct two of us? (odds are highly unlikely.) he led us to his car.

(ok, what i'm about to say is going to sound pretentious but honestly, we all think it.) as we are walking down the street, i was eyeing every single luxury vehicle in hopes that i would see him unlocked the doors of a beautiful porsche cayenne (or something of that sort). guess again? "here i am," he finally informed us as he pointed to a small white honda civic. can you say let down?
just to remove the shallow image that i may have portrayed of myself in the above paragraph, i want to say a few things. i truly do believe that love and relationships are about the person and not what they have or what they can do for you. but there is a list of pros and cons that one begins to create to assess a relationship candidate. if the pro's outweigh the con's, then the candidate could have strong potential. 45's con's were already tipping the scale... and the honda civic was sorta like a 45 lb weight (no pun intended).

as my roommate and i got into his car, i realized i needed to make a clean exit--a quick goodbye, avoiding at all cost mentioning another date. this was my plan... somehow my roommate didn't follow my lead. by the time we got to our apartment, somehow, v.w. had invited 45 to a couple's evening in two weeks, and practically invited him to join us on our morning runs. no words.

so now that i'm fairly sure that the verdict is in and the scale does not lie. i realize that i'm just not that into 45. so now the challenge before me... how to lose a guy in 14 days. kinda a fun challenge. will keep you updated.

ADH

the bouquet (part ii)

the wedding--easy, real, love. no other words. as i watched my cousin and his bride dance to their first song (babyface's "everytime i close my eyes")--his eyes glistening with the same tears that had rolled down his face just a couple of hours before as he watched his bride walk down the aisle towards the rest of their lives. as i looked on, i thought to myself that's true, unexplainable, indescribable but unquestionable love. my cousin who was sitting next to me whispered in my ear... "that will be you soon." hmm... i shrugged, maybe? but maybe not? maybe i'm just not the marrying type. i looked at the bride--so delicate and demure. as the new couple walked around to greet their guests, the bride--holding the train of her dress with one hand and my
cousin's hand in the other--quietly stared up to her new husband, as if to catch each of his words with her elongated eyelashes. could i be that woman? the wife to be seen and not heard, always looking up to, and never overshadowing her husband.

it was at that moment that I heard someone say my name. it was my cousin's mother. I turned around in my chair and noticed she was standing next to a very nice looking young man. "i have someone i would like to introduce you too." his name was jerome-- a groomsman
and one of my cousin's friends from college. i stood up to greet him. as I turned to face him, i watched him stare down at my long legs and then stare up at me as i begin to speak--my body towering over his. i extended my hand to his and realized that he noticeably was shaking. as our
conversation progressed, I noticed how unsure he was. and the less confident he seemed, the less interested I became. then the hostess came over the mic. thank god! saved by the bell! i told him nice meeting him and we should exchange info later...knowing full and well that was not going to happen but felt the need to close the conversation in true southern fashion.

as I sat back down at our table, my brother leaned over, "who was that? i think he was scared of u."

oh wow! so apparently my brother noticed too. his sister was not the delicate flower but a bit of a
beast! but then the thought dawned on me, maybe it wasn't about being a "type." maybe it's about finding the one can handle me... who wants me to be heard... the one who wants me to stand strong next to him. the one who does not fear me but finds the beauty in the beast. he entranced by me...and i in him.

then the time came. the hostess announced the throwing of the bouquet. i proudly walked to the dance floor to the chorus of beyonce's "single ladies." all of us single gals looked around, chuckling to one another at the hilarity of this tradition. the hostess counted off. 3-2-1. the bride launched the bouquet in the air.


we all looked up and followed the spinning bouquet of white and purple flowers heading toward us. but no one seemed to be reaching out to catch the bouquet. and then it happened...the floor... the bouquet crashed to the ground, petals strewn across the dance floor. oh, ooh, oh. and at this, i proudly headed back to my table, stepping over the flower petals as I exited the floor. no wedding bells right now for me... i'm just not ready for the bouquet yet.

the bouquet (part i)

headed back home this weekend. no better occasion to come home then for a beautiful southern fall wedding. the bride...a delicate southern belle, born and raised in the heart of atlanta (father on the board of atlanta public schools, head cheerleader at auburn university... the
works). the groom... one of my favorite (and quite possibly best looking--literally model status) cousins but totally a fun loving, true gentleman, and a great friend. i used to spend summers with his family in alabama. full on down-to-earth times--complete with mud wrestling, backyard barbecues, and of course friday night lights. i honestly would go home and pray that i would wake up with a southern drawl and one of my cousin's football player friends.

no plus one for this wedding. my favorite man in the world--my dad--was my escort as we walked up to the doors of the church. my mom had to run ahead to make sure we got "good seats"--like we were going to a sold out broadway show or something. the wedding coincidentally took place at my grandfather's church and the same place where my parents said their vows almost 30 years ago. so epic.

with my dad at my side, we approached the doors of the sanctuary. and through the windows, i could see that the church had been totally transformed since the last time i had been there for my granfather's funeral. the pews topped with white chrysanthemums and purple lilacs all tied up with streams of white satin ribbon. crystalled candlabras adorned the sides of the altar, showcasing the candlelight that flickered to the sound of the organ. totally breath-taking. the doors of the church opened. as we stood at the back of the church filled with friends and family, i looked down at the champagne dress i was wearing (a loner from one of my friend) as the sun beamed from the stain-glass window, reflecting off the silk fabric. the moment felt all too ironic... almost like a "etre-vu" (to be seen vs. already seen). i looked over at my dad and couldn't help but think... when? where? and most importantly who?

blast from the past

so typically, fleet week is that week in san francisco when the sailors touchdown and the blue angels take off. it's a week when the men that serve our country truly get the recognition they deserve. i bet you think this blog entry is going to involve a crazy night hookup with a navy seal from bora bora. oh, but that would be too predictable.

the morning started watching the blue angels air show on a friend's rooftop in the marina. i'm still in awe at the way the angels fly so in line together like synchronized swimmers in the sky. oh, if only life, love, relationships could be like that... in sync, perfectly timed, easy. it was just as i was watching one of the planes zoom out of the clouds that i looked down at my phone. it was a text from my ex... a blast from the past zooming into my afternoon. the ex... he's a cyclist and a consultant that i met through a friend from from atlanta. talk about out of sync... i swear we were flying in two completely different air spaces. he was in high traffic one filled with many other women.


for now, we'll refer to him as the cyclist. (i am literally reluctant to give him a name because i'm pretty sure this is the last u will hear of him, especially after i recount the details of our meeting). he wanted to meet up as he was in town for fleet week festivities with a friend from the east bay. my thought... so what? might as well. so, i decided to walk from the marina over to the embarcadero. it gave me some time to think about my strategy. was i going to play friend, hard-to-get vixen, or vengeful ex? as i passed all of the cute cuddly couples and the happy-go-lucky vacation families in fisherman's wharf, i thought to myself...being friends with an ex could be possible and maybe even useful. i mean like maybe for new dating options.

i approached pier 23. as i crossed the street and headed toward the door of the bar, i saw him through the window. we immediately locked eyes. he smiled at me as if to say, "it's been too long." it reminded me of how swept away i was when i first met him. this guy has the body of an abercrombie model (lean with muscle in all the right places), the skin of blair underwood, and the smile of brad pitt. oh and did i mention, the ego of mike tyson. i walked over to the table where he and his friend were sitting. he stood up to give me a hug and clearly did the once over, totally focusing on my legs--on display courtesy of my patriotic striped mini dress. the cyclist has always been a big fan of the physique. the exchanged looks... definitely flirtation. maybe this would be more than a friendly encounter.

oh but then, he opened his mouth and his epic flaw... his ego...revealed itself. "you look good, i'm glad you didn't let yourself go like my other exes." whoa nelly! that is not a conversation opener. at those words, flirtation came to a screeching halt and was ready to jet out of the bar faster than a f-18. but then i realized that would be rude leaving 5 minutes after my arrival and i had told myself i was going to be the bigger person and try to be friends here. maybe after the initial shock of seeing one another after 6 months, things would level out. being action oriented, i quickly grabbed the closest waiter, ordered a vodka tonic (something fast acting), and focused my attention on casual topics, making sure to include his friend. his friend was actually quite nice, a school teacher with a witty sense of humor. he told me about his time in san francisco and in the east bay. whilst chatting with the friend, i glanced over at the cyclist. he stared off in the distance like a pouty child. then the question came up as to how the cyclist and i knew one another. quickly the cyclist snapped back into the conversation.

him: "we met when she moved here."
me: "we actually dated for awhile."
him: "oh yeah."
me: "well at least i assumed we were dating. ****** assumed differently."
him: "why is that?"
me: "because you were screwing other people."
him: "as men, we have to spread our seed."
me: "or spread something called AIDS. by the way, have u been tested lately."

he was speechless. wow, if I knew that would shut him up, i would have said that when i walked in the door. what an asshole! is it true that most men really cannot be faithful? or is it that they just have to find the right woman--the one that they are so fixated on that they don't see anyone else around them. i believe in the later. and actually his friend agreed. in my experience, it's not about whether a guy will cheat, it's about whether the woman will let him or not. you know those woman who say, i know he sleeps with other women but i have to ignore it because i really care about him. those are the women whose husbands cheat. but when he finds that one that he knows life could not be better without her, he will not jeopardize ever after for in the moment.

that's my take... and i'm sticking to it. here is why me and the cyclist are no longer together. that, and he is heartless (another story for another blog).

i stood up, moved close to the cyclist making sure to park my legs directly in his line of sight, and put my arms around his shoulder while whispering in his ear... "thanks for grabbing the check." and i was out!

payback is a bitch... and feels so good. almost as good as dancing the night away with my besties in the "stro" with men who don't care either way, which was exactly what i did.

ADH

45

have u ever been in a bar or restaurant and noticed everyone was staring at you? it is on these occasions that i like to think it is because i'm wearing an amazing outfit or that i have a certain poise. today, i'm sure this was not the reason for the unsolicited attention. i want to say that the eyes (literally like paparazzi lens') were glued in my direction due to the man sitting next to me. i was officially the "i can't believe that young lady is with that old man" girl. and on top of the fact that my date was nearly double my age, he was also about double the height of most of the men in the bar... and oh, did i mention the interracial dating thing. so point being, the making for a p.r. stunt.

as the date progressed, the stares became less... or maybe it was because i selected a seat that was a bit secluded, behind the largest plants i could spot in the place. we were seated at a lower bench-like table underneath the heat lamp. it was quite the perfect night, the air was warm, and the lights from the embarcadero glistened against his glass filled with heineken. the conversation was easy... work, politics, the city. he was easy to talk, knowledgeable, well-versed (well, i guess he should be... considering he's had 20 years headstart under his belt). and clearly the dude knew how to get a lady interested... he genuinely wanted to know more about me. he asked about my family and friends, what i enjoyed doing, was i happy here. it was quite refreshing. kind of like the second round of ginger ale vodka he had waiting for me when i came back from the restroom. (in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have drank that. that's how u get ruffied. i was fine tho, so i guess the guy gets two points for character.)then came the real questions (of course from me).

me: age?... him: 45
me: family?... him: children
me: wife?(i'm not a homewrecker and wanted to give full inspection before i have a woman knocking on my door with a knife in hand)... him: separated
me: back to children. ages?... him: 6 and 9 and i drive them to school everyday
me: hmmmm.... him: dinner?
me: hmmmm.... him: weekend at the beach sometime?
me: whoa!


here's when i had to hit the pedal a bit. this was a lot to take in. i didn't want to lead this guy on too much. and basically what i mean by that is, i'm not quite ready to be a julia roberts in stepmom. he walked me to the bus stop (the stares were back). we chit chatted plans for the week...mine being work and drinks with friends... his being dinner with the former mayor. but he made sure to mention that despite his busy schedule, he definitely could find the time to hang out. again, refreshing. i gave him a kind "we'll look at the calendar," and he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

as i headed home, i thought about what it would be like to date "45." comfort, stability, great meals, luxury vacations, parties with the mayor. i mean, i could probably get over the stares for the benefit of all the aforementioned. and then a vision entered my mind, i'm driving a beautiful black land rover through mill valley (wearing a prada sunglasses, a cashmere wrap sweater, cartier watch, and louis vuitton bag on the center console). however, back behind me are two children yelling that i can't make lunch like their real mom does, my cell phone is ringing out of control as the ex tries to get in contact with me about sam's pills that he left at her house, the golden retriever that the kids begged for us to bring in the car is puking all over the leather seats, and 45 is nowhere to be found... off to europe for some conference. fantasy over.


is 45 a reality? for me?

ADH

back in action

so after a few months of respite from the dating scene, turns out i'm back in it. things with mr. pancakes are on hiatus... at least until i can figure out if he's the stop and stare guy. you know the one's who are so madly in love with the woman they are with that everytime she walks in a room, they can't help but stop and stare in pure admiration. hmmm... that's what i'm waiting for.

so, fall is here. the season of change, pumpkin lattes, and cool weather snuggling. i noticed it was here the other night when i was walking downtown home after my run. the wind was blowing aggressively through my hair and i swear i could a hint of orange color on the trees as i crossed over mission st.


as i took a beeline to the bus... with the thought of my bed and warm soup on my mind... i heard someone yelling my name on the street in an accent (not quite british but european). i looked up to see a man (whom i did not recognize). he was about 6'5 with salt and pepper hair. he was wearing khakis with a button up and tweed sport coat. oh yeah, and did i mention he was maybe my dad's age.

he reminded me that we had met at a bar a couple of weeks back when the bartender decapitated my glass of champagne. (oh yeah, that 2 second conversation we had.) normally, i would have said great seeing you and run to catch my bus. but something about his easy nature and not-so forward invitation intrigued me. "let's exchange numbers and grab drinks sometime." i gave him my number and we parted ways. somehow, i walked away with a bit of a smile on my face from this random encounter. as i neared my bus, i looked down at my phone. "it was great bumping into you! hope to see you soon!" loved the fast (and not too eager) follow up! but could i date someone twice my age? i guess that's the fun of dating, trying new things. boundaries are just boring. and if society thinks george clooney and richard gere are sexy, maybe things with this swedish gentleman could be a fun, quite dandy time. after all, it has been said that older men know how to enchant a woman... like a great oscar de la renta dress.


so, here's to fall, change... and breaking boundaries. after all, isn't that what makes great, stop and stare love?

ADH

getting the guy

so last night after a day in tiburon with friends on our way to a play in berkeley for the evening, mr. pancakes asked me why women feel the need to "say the right things" and/or "play the game." so, i guess this brings me to the question: why do we feel like we have to create this monumental "strategy" to get a man? are the charades as necessary as we think? according to mr. pancakes, the right man will like you no matter what you do or say. the others are "just not that into you."

so, to be honest there have been days where i have saved text messages in my inbox and reviewed thousands of times before sending them off. ok, maybe this is a bit excessive but contrary to the belief of mr. pancakes, no matter what the situation is... getting the right guy and getting him to treat you as you deserved to be treated is an art form. i know this because i have a hell of a lot more guys interested now, then when i was naive and thought a guy would be interested in me even if i did text him 20 times a day.

so over the years--as i have refined my skills, what has seemed to work for me in "getting a guy" is the stop/go game. basically, letting them know i'm interested but not overly interested/obsessed. 1. it's important to let guys know that u have a life outside of them. u should have a life and enjoy it. in looking for wifey (or gf) material, men want the full package. 2. if you have other priorities other than them, it is a sign to them, that u are not a stalker or a "mad black woman." there r too many of them out there for men not to be cautious. 3. the last piece of this is that if a girl is not overly interested, she most likely has other options. as i've said before men want to win. they don't want to forfeit and they don't want to win a thrown game. they want a fair match and the more competitive the game, the better. they want to be the one u choose because that means they are special/better than the rest. they are the fittest and have survived your tests.

so as it may be, here is natural selection at its best. here i am writing this while waiting for mr. berkeley to arrive. we are having dinner this week as he was away in tahoe all weekend (which was great as i got to spend some quality time with mr. pancakes). i had a discussion with v.w. and m.v. on our run this morning about whether i should go on a third date with mr. berkeley or not. their advice was no, so that i don't lead this guy along or cause mr. pancakes to doubt me. however, i told them i still was not sure as to which guy might be the winner.

nevertheless...while apart of me tells me i'm on this date because i truly like this guy and enjoy his company. another part of me knows that i'm in it for the thrill of the game (i.e. to keep mr. pancakes on his toes). and to truly find my prince charming, these dudes r going to have to battle it out. i'm taking no prisoners. maybe playing a bit with fire... but hot never felt so good!



ADH

taking chances

so today, i'm feeling a bit sad. one of my grandmother's sister's has been in the hospital on a respirator ever since I left atlanta. this woman (and all of the woman of my grandmother's family are some of the strongest women I know. "badmammajamma" doesn't even begin to describe it. this woman has survived civil rights, raised 3 kids on her own after her husband was killed, defeated cancer... all while still finding a way to laugh and smile at the end of the day. And can you say get it girl... lady was a total man-eater in her day. growing up, all i heard were stories of all the men my grandmother and her sister's kept at their heels. they weren't afraid to exercise their liberties as young, single, sexy women... seeing and entertaining who they pleased when they pleased. as daughters of a woman with 4 children whose husband up and left when he was ready to pursue another life, these women were fearless and did not seek validation in men. they defined their futures... they did not wait for men to do it for them.

the other day, an ex of mine informed me that he did not think woman were built to be adventurous and date multiple men. according to him, we are creatures designed to deal with multiple children (not multiple men). our emotions get in the way and we're just frankly too scared. so these last three months, go out to my aunts, my grandmother, and all of the fearless woman out there. keep inspiring us. the rest of us will get there. i hope my adventures have inspired a few of u as well to just go for it (whatever "it" may be). just take the plunge. you don't know what might be waiting for you in the water.

btw, i'm writing this from a hotel room in reno, nevada. a surprise midweek vacay courtesy of mr. pancakes and co. just ordered room service on his tab and as soon as he gets back, i will literally be taking a plunge in the beautiful hotel pool and spending the afternoon poolside under the nevada sun with a pretty great guy at my side.

here's to taking chances and living the good life!


ADH

fate or faux?

a friend and i had an interesting conversation this weekend over saturday brunch. it was about "fate" or more specifically "fated love." her parents met when her mother was rescued from the pooring rain by a young college co-ed... and her sister fell in love with her husband when they met eyes in a college classroom (her sister was actually dating another guy, broke up with him, and married her classroom connection 4 months later). so all stories aside, does meeting someone on an online dating site make your love less "meant to be?" i actually was of the same thought p.m. (pre-match). i have always been a strong believer in "organic love," the kind that isn't forced or sought after but just happens and is just right.

but i think in an age and time when everything is about the constant bustle. jobs are more time consuming, we have the internet and a host of other new inventions to occupy our time, there are even more vacation spots. and younger people (especially in a city like san francisco) are making more money sooner and have access to all of the above earlier. people don't make time for love. many are even shut off to looking for love "until their career slows down" or "until they finish school" or "until they are over the single phase." it's almost as if love has lost it's lack luster. so maybe online dating has a place in today's world. maybe sad it has come to this but maybe a "necessary evil."

on the flipside, maybe we've got it right in letting jobs, etc. consume our lives now and focusing on the rest later. what is it some 80% of marriages end in divorce. (ok, not trying to be oprah...not sure of the statistic). but have we finally beat the social system of "you need to get married asap" and figured out that maybe 35 is the new 25. i have cousins who waited till they were older to get married and they seem to have been successful. maybe sites like match.com and eharmony are trying to rush us into love.

from my 3 month experience, i will say this... 1. yes, if you are a busy person and live in a city with busy people, love may have to be a pursuit. when singles in the city spend 80% of their free time in bars (where let's be honest everyone is looking for booty), you have to take the time to look elsewhere, make yourself available, and open up your options. the guys that are going to see you on the bus and fall in love are what i would call hopeless romantics and the ones that still exist in this day and age are taken.

2. online dating can screw with fate and push you into the "i want mr. right now instead of mr. right mode!" although most people on the site are already at that place which is why they signed up.

3. do we want fate or compatibility? i definitely felt like online dating helped me find more people that i had things in common with, which had been my gripe p.m. (not enough guys in the city that had my similar lifestyle, goals, etc.) and what makes more of a lasting relationship... fate or compatibility? my guess is work, either way and lots of it.

4. but maybe online dating is a faster fate. maybe you would have found that person anyway, it would have just taken you another 20 years if you both had not wandered onto the same dating site, during the same couple of months, found each others profile, winked and/or messaged one another at the same time... you get my drift.

anyway, just some food for the mind. something i'm thinking about as i'm accessing mr. berkeley and mr. pancakes. where is the fate? thoughts?



ADH

uh oh!

so, in the words of the anonymous commenter, i have taken ownership of my "strong, independent womanness" and the serial dating strategy has evolved into something a bit different... two timing/double teaming/playing the field/man-nizing (a spin on womanizing). call it whatever u want, but i am dating multiple guys and they don't know about one another. (i even gave a one woman soliloquy last night about how woman get gilted because guys are not honest about their intentions or don't want to commit and will date other people without the girls' knowledge. oops! hypocrite!)

first of all, i never thought i would ever actually be able to pull this off... or have multiple guys actually interested at the same time. ladies, the key to getting a man is dating other men... or just being busy. the less attention you give to an individual guy, the more they want you. i think it has something to do with the chase. they like to win you, but if you are an easy target, there is no challenge. and we all know that guys love a great challenge, especially those with bragging rights upon success (why madden is such a draw for all men.)

so last night went on my second date with mr. berkeley phd. another great date when i was secretly hoping it would be bad or he would do or say something completely crazy that could allow me to write him off. but of course that would be too easy. we met up in berkeley and went to grab beers and dinner at jupiter's--a place that i had actually been to with an ex. but it was so much better this time around. we sat outside near the firepit and split bruschetta and salad. it was actually one of those great dates where the conversation was so great that we barely ate. definite sparks. i even looked over at him a couple of times and he had those eyes--the ones where you know the guy is dreaming about taking over the world with you at his side or taking you to bed. i will only hope for the former.

so at a certain point in the date, i tried to snap myself to reality and remind myself about how much i liked mr. pancakes. so i proceeded to begin with the "how to lose a guy in 10 days" tactics, i.e. scare him by letting him know how conservative and committment oriented i am (maybe a bit of a stretch considering my current situation.) i even included some ex-gone wrong stories. but i'm not sure it quite worked. as he walked me to the bart station, he grabbed the arm of my leather jacket and pulled me in close for a hug. he looked into my eyes and moved his face towards mine, i turned my head just in time and his lips collided with my cheek. and then he whispers in my ear, "no, i want the real thing." my heart pounding, i'm secretly hoping he's a bad kisser. au contraire my friends!


ADH

a hard place (no pun intended)

after, happy hour drinks with the Arabian Night and a quite possible serial dating run-in with mr. pancakes and the arabian night on the streets of sf, i said sianara to mes hommes for the weekend and bonjour to the real men that run this city--the gays.

it was my friend's bday for the weekend, and we were headed out to the land flowing with grapes and booze- napa! as we drove across the golden gate--"kesha" blasting through the speakers of the party bus--i thought to myself, "no better way to spend a saturday afternoon" than cutting a rug on a bus with a stripper pole, mimosa in hand and my besties all around. could leaving the single life and getting exclusive mean sacrificing these great times? yes, i know these weekends will always continue to occur but if there is a relationship on the horizon, could I become too lovesick to actually enjoy the "wild times" away from the significant other? relationship can sometimes mean old married couple.


napa was complete with wine tasting in the sun, rolling around in the high grasses of the vineyard, and of course the ever-so unforgettable drunken acts that could have landed us all in the marin county gazette. (yes, i am classy but also love to have a good time :)) all in all a fabulosity at its finest.

as the trip wound down, we headed back to the city. empty bottles rolled around the bus as heads nodded off. a few people continued to dance and sing as the bus sat in traffic. and i was actually readyto keep the party rolling, despite my bodily fatigue. the last winery had slightly put me a bit over the edge. as i stumbled back to my seat after my last ode to spice girls, i looked around me. it appeared that all of us singles were still roaring and ready to go. a few were texting and seeing what was going on on the other side of the bridge, urgently making plans for "the next big thing." but as i looked around at the couples (gay, straight, whatever), something hit me. they were all quite cute--cuddling, i.e. one holding the other while he/she was passed out; egregiously m.o.ing, or just having deep drunken conversation. but they all had one thing in common. they looked so comfortable and satisfied with where they were and who they were with.


maybe it was the wine rushing throug their blood vessels. maybe it was the rolling hills of napa. but they all seemed quite content (while the single ones looked around anxiously, waiting to get back to the city and jump on the next big thing). so what did i want? where did i fit? in all honesty, there was actually apart of me that wished there was someone there to hold me in my drunken stupor. then why didn't i call mr. pancakes? why did i go out and party until 3 a.m.?

maybe i'm a bit of a rock in a hard place... a rebel... or maybe i'm just scared of comfort.

ADH

date #3: mr. quantity

so finally, here it is the wrap up of the date marathons... and when i had to start cutting bait before things got overwhelming.

the last match date was something of a surprise. he texted me last minute to see if our date was still on. total surprise as i had completely written off the idea of a date on this monday evening. he was heading across the bridge back from his hospital in oakland, where he is entering his first year of residency. we decided to meet up at a bar in the financial district, something simple--drinks after work.

on my way over from work, he texted me that he was already there and was the "guy in the lime green shirt." oh wow! i never thought i would be looking for "the guy.... with the blue handkerchief, the rose in his lapel, etc." it was then it hit me, i have been on 3 practically blind dates in the past week and have not batted an eye. and honestly, so far, the 2 before had been pretty great. how come i was so scared to do this before? unnatural, some would say--but also quite liberating... and exciting. every date--a new adventure, every guy--a new someone to get to know and explore.

as i entered the bar, i saw a guy in a green shirt at the bar facing away from the door. i wanted to get a look at him to see what i was getting myself into before i sat down. also, i wanted him to see me from a distance first (it brings a little element of anticipation and wanting--which guys love). i walked passed him towards the back of the bar, acting as if to look around. i turned back around and immediately, we met eyes. i walked over to where he was seated. we hugged and sat down. oh, he was definitely cute. better looking than his photos portrayed--a definite pleasant surprise. we ordered beers and began to chat. he had high energy and loved to talk... mostly about himself, not quite to the point of obnoxious, but it was clear he was pretty proud of himself. definitely a resume--yale undergrad, columbia med, and a i-banking job somewhere in between. he tried to be humble by saying by calling his accomplishments "no big deal" but in my opinion, true humility is when you say nothing at all. i made purpose not to bat an eye as he listed his accolades and his "what i've seen, where i've been, what i've done list." it was not because i wasn't impressed or thought the list of things in my life were better, but because in all honesty, i wanted him to see that i wasn't interested in all of that.

as we saw on my first date, accomplishments say nothing about you. you can have done everything under the sun and be a total douche bag (or in date #1's case, a total bore). why do so many guys feel the need to show their feathers? i almost began to think some of these guys go on dates just so they can tell another girl how great they are--like a little shot of mojo for the week. i would prefer to spend time with quality (of who a guy truly is) over quantity (of what a guy has done). i mean, you can get quantity anywhere... even from match.com. sounds like i was ready to start whittling down the quantity and get to the quality.


i sat waiting for him to finish his list, zoning out every so often. the conversation continued. he asked me a few questions about me, and then continued about himself. when it came to his family, he skirted over the topic and proceeded to speak more about his travels to india and thailand. i can't say, i wasn't having fun or that his stories weren't interesting, because they were. he was actually pretty funny, and we even had some back and forth banter. "i just wasn't that into him." i actually thought to myself, so he's not really future date potential but there's a little chemistry here, maybe we'll make out. (omg! apparently this whole serial dating thing was turning me into a dude!)

he drove me home and we said our good nights. didn't get that makeout, as he chickened out last minute. it was one of those moments where both of you know it should happen, but he just couldn't pull it off at the exit. failure, dude, failure.

as i walked up the stairs to my apartment, i thought to myself... was i ready for quality over quantity? was i getting tired of the talent shows of dating? with my match.com options getting smaller (i.e. there are only so many eligible bachelors on the site) and as i continued to get closer to mr. pancakes, was the serial dating coming to an end?



to be continued...

ADH

vegas baby!

before, i get into my 4th date, i'll get u all caught up on the current to date info. i just got back from a weekend trip to vegas for a friend's bachelorette party. vegas, right-enough said? but it's kinda crazy how such an outrageously larger than life world, can really get u thinking about reality.

i started off the trip thinking... oh no! with this new mentality on being more open minded about dating, this could really be a wild ride in a city like vegas. mr. berkeley joked that I might be trying to squeeze in a couple of dates while in vegas. ha ha! clearly don't have time to be scouting dates across the country. plus this was a girls trip (one of those things I hold near and dear to my heart...quality time with fun girls and time not to think about men... or at least time to flirt with new ones.) on that note, i did spend the evening before vegas with mr. pancakes. it was one of those evenings concocted by men so that you make sure you don't do anything crazy before going out of town. after an evening of moonlight drinks, music, and even a bit of poetry, he sealed the evening with a kiss and his words of wisdom...don't get pregnant or married.

as soon as we stepped off the plane, we could feel the fiery heat of the scorching sun. sin was in the air. but i couldn't help but think wtf, where were all the hotties with beads of sweat rolling down their rock hard abs? all i saw were guidos and old dudes at the poker tables. oh, but i was convinced to not be discouraged and remember the goals of this trip... girls bachelorette party weekend.

first night out, went to xs. beautiful place, people (not so beautiful, more nerdy than anything...but hey, we can all appreciate a nerdy guy.) after dancing with the girls for a bit, me and s.b. decided to do a lap. the first group of guys were decent. but they were cheap and wanted to chat it up and get touchy-feely with us whilst not offering to purchase booze. not gonna work... on to the next one. the next crew was still in college. lot of fun and even offered to buy us drinks but somehow, I couldn't help feeling like a big coug! last group seemed like winners... dentist from sf with a table and bottle service. the more we talked, the less interested I became. however, the bottle service kept me faking intrigued. then suddenly it happened, out of nowhere this random chica pounced on my bottle service. she literally sat right in front of the dude and started flippy her hair and touching his leg trying to get the dudes attention... while me and the guy were still talking (i guess she couldn't wait her turn). the guy wasn't even that cute but i guess she saw what i saw... the big bottle of skyy at the center of the table! gosh...woman r such scam artists. i can truly say this is the first time i have ever been c*ckblocked by someone i didn't know (and someone the guy didn't know either.) this was it... i was done with the manhunt/search for free drinks. back to girls night. and oh a girls night it was, complete with circle dancing and booty shake-offs. lots of laughs.

the next day/evening proved more successful. all the ladies decided to get beds down by the pool. so relaxing... breakfast and long island poolside in 100 degree weather. really tried to avoid the boys and relax with the ladies... but clearly, when there are half-naked co-eds all around that's just not going to happen. on the way to the bathroom, got called up to a private cabana and caught the eye of a reggie bush look alike during a dance party pool session. other girls had success as well, there were even some hot pool make-outs (myself not included).

that evening, we became something of jetsetters. the evening started with "thunder down under," the australian striptease and then moved to surrender--a place that looked something like a cross between ancient grecian ruins and heaven... which was possibly as equally difficult to get into. thankfully, we were 16 hot ladies (if only god thought this way, we all may have an easier time getting into his good graces. this night was not helping my tab with god.) anywho, after pulling s.b. away from the craps table, we ran into a group of "italian stallions" (stallion, i use loosely). however, they were a lot of fun and were harboring two large grey goose bottles. it was here where i met ricardo, the middle-aged poker professional who offered me the world fit for a "queen," a night in the venetian, and even a marriage proposal. oh, if all men could be like "ricki ricardo." but the longer, we enjoyed the bottle service, the creepier ricardo became and we had to make a massive escape. next, it was onto paris. we met a group of french boys, with whom i tried so earnestly to engage in a lovely french conversation. however, the fact that it was almost 5 a.m. in the morning and words may have been slurred, i'm pretty sure they didn't understand anything past "bonjour" (or whatever i may have said).

so moral of this story, vegas was a blast... vegas is not for lovers, just for one night stands (which i did not have... just one night memories). and unfortuanately, i did not come back married because i think that would have been a better blog than the one i just wrote. apologies on that front. however, i did have a chance to think about how much i might be a "relationship" kind of girl than i actually ever let on. the thought of a fling with anyone of these dudes, really just was not me (even if they were hot). i think i am a quality time person, which is why i love girl weekends. the late night chats, the veg out fests, the morning "oh no's what did we do last night." that's all the makings of a great relationship. if i value these things in girl relationships, why not with a guy? i think it's about someone to enjoy doing these things with... and that will be the perfect fit. (btw, i texted mr. pancakes at 1 a.m. on saturday to tell him i was thinking about him. probs not the best move. but it was vegas, a few drunken texts is a rite of passage.)

viva las vegas!

ADH

date 2: mr. berkeley phd

it was one of those sundays... to go on the date, to not go on the date. i was beginning to feel a little tired of all of this dating madness.

i went on a run to clear my head. somewhere in between crissy field and union st (probably after i got a wink from the h.b.m. coming out of the 24 hour fitness), i decided the date was still a go. i was not ready to take myself out of the game.

so, upon arriving home, i returned his text and we decided to meet at the ferry building. i walked through the crowded center aisle, looking left and right to identify him. i was pretty sure i could recognize him from his pictures. as there are not many black men in the city (actually maybe more in the ferry building because of all of the tourist), i was shocked when i could not find him. i finally decided to call him and through a series of really bad directions, he led me through the labrynth of people. around one corner and another, i finally saw him. he was wearing a grape colored shirt and black shoes. i would not have worn it but he was super cute in all other ways. definite denzel smile, good skin, a little on the shorter side but a total darling. and believe it or not, i could totally look past the height for the first time in my life. i thought to myself... i practically live in flats and sandals now anyway (at least on the weekdays that is).

so, he let me decide what we did first. i thought gelato outside sounded amazing as it was the sunniest day in the city that we have had in awhile. we talked and laughed over our melting cups of gelato. a couple of jokes here and there about being hot and it being hot outside. a few witty banters about being nerdy but still having a lot of fun. he had an easy way about him that was neither conceited nor pretentious. with a resume like his, that's extremely hard to find. he then thought we should continue the date inside by getting a glass of wine and watching the game. love him! he must have seen the wine-o in my eyes. we debated over the bottle. i kind of put him on the spot with making him choose. he totally took it in stride and we tasted a couple of glasses to make our final decision.

after grabbing a bottle, we talked about life, family, exes, future hopes--anything and everything. we totally seemed to be on the same page. this was a definite winner first date. as we wrapped up the bottle of wine, i imagined the date was about to end. however, as with every other date that i have been on, he wanted to continue hanging out. this time, however, was different. i actually wanted to spend more time with him, get to know him a little more. he seemed very sweet. even despite the fact that i was supposed to hang out with mr. pancakes this afternoon.

we decided to grab dinner at the burger place down the street. and the conversation just seemed to flow. we talked about our family lives and how they have shaped us (weird for a first date, right?) his brother was autistic growing up and i nannied for a family with an autistic son the summer of my freshmen year of college. he grew up in a conservative household with strict parents, which is in direct parallel to my southern baptist, sheltered upbringing. we seemed to have something in common. could this be love in the making on match... and a short guy at that?

we parted ways with a hug (and i didn't feel like i was towering over him). no complaints here. i was totally dumbfounded how well a date with a perfect stranger went. i had never met him but in 4 hours, i felt like we'd known each other forever. as i looked down at my vibrating phone, while walking back to my apartment, i saw a text from mr. berkeley. definitely, a perfect date... sealed with a text.

ADH

date numero 1: arabian knight

so as i suspected, he was not quite arabian. he was jordanian, slightly different but you get it--tall dude, dark hair, thick accent. and actually, pretty cute but not antonio sabato jr. (wait, he is latin... not middle eastern--i suck at this.)

ok, again another preface: things start to get extremely interesting when you enter the world of "serial dating." and what i mean by "interesting" is that you have to LIE a lot to keep the ball moving. and any of you who know me, realize that lying is not my cup of tea. as it says in my match profile "what you see is what you get" and what you typically get from me is the "god honest gospel truth."

so, i wake up saturday morning, a bit of a hangover from m.d.'s birthday celebration the night before but nothing to snuff about. i look at my phone and i have a missed call and a text from the guy that i have been hanging out with (p.m.--or pre match). he wants me to come over for pancakes! what irony! three months ago, i would have woken up to nothing but a house to clean. but no, now that i have a date in 3 hours, all of a sudden i'm getting brunch invites from every man in a 10 mile radius (ok, i will stop exaggerating and get over myself. especially as i do realize this will be over once my match membership expires.) anyway, so i have to lie and tell "pancake man" (which we will refer to him as for now as i'm trying to keep him un-blogged as much as possible) that i have a brunch date with a co-worker to go over plans for next season (again, bad liar--too many details).

around noon, i set out to a bar in north beach to meet the arabian. if you do not recall, i met him last weekend at a club with v.w. as there was a large bottle of wine consumed before our meeting and the bar area was dimly lit, i didn't quite remember what he looked like and honestly was still in question as to how to pronounce his name. the plan was to meet up at the bar and watch the world cup game. so, i arrive at the bar... he is pretty easy to spot as he is little taller than the rest of the bar (a definite plus and appears as if he is looking for someone). he immediately spots me and motions me over. we meet with a hug and he immediately orders me a mimosa at the bar. clearly a mind reader. off the bat, he informs me that he isn't really that interested in the game and definitely wants to make sure we can talk during the game (awww cute, right?).

first of all, i have to give the guy total kudos for a great first date idea! bar with game was a perfect way to break the ice and feel one another out. a couple of his friends actually came and met up with us. both cool dudes... one reminded me of my neighbor from home... the other, a great prospect for one of my friends in the city. (don't worry i have already set up a double date. i'm a sharing the wealth kind of chica.) we all hang out, drink, and talk through the game. there are some wild turkey shots for the bar and a little bit of kicking a soccer ball around the crowded bar. so much fun.

the game comes to an end and people begin to trickle out of the bar. then the moment... the moment that i have started dreading on dates... the "what's next?" question. in my mind, this was our time to say "goodbye" and "we should do this again sometime." wrong. he informs me that he really wants to take me to brunch. i start to have flashbacks of first date gone wrong and begin to panic. and like a world cup player trying to keep the ball rolling and under his control, i attempt to fake left and go right. so herein, lie #2 of the day, i tell my jordanian knight that my friend's parents are in town and i need to go meet up with them soon.

so, difference between this date and the first is that... this guy is actually normal and actually has a personality. and he actually genuinely wanted to hang out longer. i attempt to invite his friends along to go with us but after exchanged looks between the bros, they politely decline and give hugs goodbye. we walk up to a outdoor brunch place in north beach and have a delightful late brunch. all in all, great conversation and good food. i actually think that this guy may have second date potential. he lets me know he's flying out to new york tomorrow and then is in barcelona for a week but wants to hang out as soon as he gets back in the city. so clearly, he's interested. i'm not sure if i'm there yet but for the sake of my friend, i definitely get plans on the calendar.

after brunch, he asks me what my plans are for the rest of the day. i let him know that i really have to meet up with my "friend who is in the city for work" and "her parents who flew in from illinois." super bad and unnecessary detailed lie. i think i even stuttered while telling him this. honestly, it was not that i didn't want to spend more time with him. but i truly think first dates are meant to be short and sweet. there is no rush to get to know someone and there is no need for a date to go sour just because of too much time spent together before you are both comfortable. friendships, flings, relationships need time and space to grow. for me, there is no need to jump in. i mean, that and i wanted to meet up with some girlfriends to chit chat about the whole ordeal. and maybe i'm lying to myself. maybe i was thinking about pancake man. or maybe, i was concerned about the rush to comittment or the rush to the bedroom (his that is). hmm... not sure. but i feel like i have time to figure it out.

we hugged and parted ways at the top of russian hill. as i walked away and headed back to my house, i turned around to him as he looked slightly abandoned as if to say "come back." but for this moment, there was no more "what's next here." it was more like "on to the next one." stay tuned.

ADH

the 4-day line up

so here it is, i have 3 dates over the next four days.

date #1 saturday: arabian knight... not so sure that he's actually arabian but he is extremely knight-like. e-mail to confirm date. call to iron out details. pretty impressive, i would say. the plan is to meet at a bar in north beach to watch the world cup game and then possibly brunch. not so thrilled about this idea. i don't really love soccer and a 2-hour game followed by a potentially 1-hour lunch may be overkill. you better believe i will be evaluating the extension option very critically especially after the last date.

date #2 sunday: berkeley phd. this is one i met on my first week of match. seems smart, funny, a bit goofy. but if i don't recall, i believe he's a bit on the shorter side. i'll be open minded... and wear flats instead of the usual 4-inchers. we're doing coffee at a place near union square.

date #3 tuesday: oakland doctor. he's an east coast transplant doing his residency out here. lives in the mission so probably a bit bohemian. kinda excited about this one. definitely a bit of a different type than i'm accustomed to dating. however, his photos seem mixed. in some, he looks like an island dream and others, a mad scientist. the vote is still out. drinks in the financial district after work.

so, now what to wear? three very different guys, three different dates. i think i've got today's date figured out. we'll be watching the game at a bar so i don't want to be too dressed up since it will probably be a lot of guys. outfit = chambray button down, slim cargoes, crock pumps, and some bling to spice it up.


manana, i'm thinking dress. linen maxi or short, flirty summer dress to show off the legs. i'm sure berkeley could appreciate a little skin since he's been hanging around chicas in the bio lab with long white lab coats and lab goggles.


and aah for tuesday, not sure yet. maybe something a little more polished since i'm coming from work. not that i ever really dress up for work. a blazer tends to be a big deal at the office. maybe skinny jeans and a delicate top. don't want to scare the hippie.



any other ideas? wow, this should be fun!

ADH

when it rains, it pours

so it was one of those weekends when the stars all align. the weather was amazing, people were happy, and the city was alive and kickin. v.w. and i decided it was officially a girl's weekend and we were going to live it up. and of course at the back of my mind, i think this is "man getting" time. my plan was to get some action outside of online dating, as i had no dates set up for the weekend. berkeley dude had a stem cell conference and we've rescheduled to next weekend, and i'm still working to get dates landed with oakland doctor, emeryville cop, tiburon tech guy, i-banker who is at the world cup, and a new guy with the profile headline: "got chocolate?" not gonna lie, it's tough working in dating life into the real life schedule.

so before i get into details of this firecracker weekend, i have to prelude with a bit of an explanation. since i have been on this serial dating kick, i have discovered a new level of empowerment when it comes to dating. i was always the girl who would wait for the guy... maybe a bit afraid of rejection. in college, i was just having too much fun with my girlfriends to actually be "on the prowl." if i ran into a cute guy while doing butt bumps with my roommates on the dance floor, well hell that was just dandy. but i was never the type to actually be actively looking and overtly flirting. currently, i have a bit of a new perspective. in the online dating world, you must "wink" and "message" to really jump start conversations with individuals of the opposite sex. you have to let down your guard and open yourself up to rejection and realize at the end of the day, it's really no big deal if he doesn't wink back. "he's just not that into you" and there are countless others who are. it's all about the fun of the game. so, i think i've taken that approach to the streets... and ladies and gentlemen, things are looking up!

so friday after polishing off two bottles of wine, we headed to ambassador... our favorite place in the tenderloin. the minute we walked to the bar, we each striked up conversations with two very clearly interested middle eastern men. mine was mid-height with dark hair, polished but clearly a bit eager. he immediately identified my name as arabic and proceeded to tell me of his travels to iran and saudi arabia. 5 minutes into conversation, digits were requested with the hope of meeting up later on in the night. i thought to myself... why not? one more number in the phone that i will not recognize in a week. the two "arabian knights" exited and v.w. and i ordered the next glass of champagne at the bar. no sooner than the bubbly hit our lips, a group of thirty-something consultants approached. they were quite the dapper crew with impressive resumes (mbas at wharton and law school at harvard). then out of the corner of my eye, i spot him. one of the crew members is a tall, very handsome, statuesque, black man with the confidence of barack and the eyes of denzel. i have encountered this guy since i moved to the city. he is known as an around about towner in sf. i pass by him, making sure to appear as tall and noticeable as ever and slither up to the bar in his direct line of sight. he approaches upon recognizing me from past encounters. we immediately strike up a conversation. about what? i really didn't care. i just wanted to leave a lasting impression. after a heavy amount of flirting, i proceed to prove to him my "badassness"... i lean over to the bartender and asked for two shots of tequila. without prompting, he beats me to the punch and hands the bartender his credit card. what a boss! after a few last words, i decide it is time to make my exit before the tequila hits my system and i say "god knows what" to this potential suitor. i grab v.w. and glide out of the bar, leaving the sweet taste of "tequila" on his tongue. he knows how to find me if he so fancies. so, it is a waiting game... or just a memorable night. i'll take either one!

saturday was another successful day. meeting up with friends at the park and heading to a party in russian hill courtesy of l.z. definitely some strong male potentials at both but nothing worth pursuing. saturday evening began with a restaurant opening in the marina, at which we met a middle-aged gregarious plastic surgeon, an italian pr guy with wavy long locks that rivaled smith's from sex and the city, and a slightly nerdy non-profit guy (who v.w. adored; i was not impressed). i have cards for all of the above. if anyone is interested, i will be happy to set you up with any of these bachelors. for now, my plate is a bit full.

so, i could go on with more of the same but i think you get my point. risk taking is key in this game of dating--whether it's having the balls to get on a dating site or walk up to a guy in a bar. your odds go up when you have the confidence to let go slightly and have a little fun. i think many of us girls are too uptight when it comes to dating. when at the end of the day, you win some, you lose some. but what matters is did you find more of yourself along the way? for me, i can say the answer to that is yes. the more messages i sift through and men that i interact with, i'm definitely getting closer to what i'm really looking for in the type of person i want to spend time with. i would never have known what's out there otherwise. yes, there may be one man out there for me but that's not my focus for now. my friends, it's raining men and i'm going out without an umbrella!




ADH

p.s. brunch and mimosa date on saturday with the "arabian knight!"

match wink of the day

i went for a run on this beautiful evening. as i wrapped up my run and began my cool down jog, jason mraz's "i'm yours" came on my ipod. as i looked over the hill, the sun was beginning to set over the bay bridge and its rays were reflecting off of the transamerica building. the most beautiful site ever. there was a bald orange-robed monk ascending the hill in her merrell hiking boots to my left. she admired as well. as i reached the bottom of the hill, i saw a couple passionately holding in the middle of the street. typically, i would slightly gag but it was all just too beautiful. i had to appreciate. something like hope was in the air tonight. maybe hope for an upcoming jackpot date? then, i stepped in my apt. upon checking my blackberry i found the below wink and message....

"i'm a fun down two earth man whit a plane two be sumthen big in life so my match need two be real and ready for the world and u can be pretty on the out side but its whats in the inside the counts .......so keep that in mind"

then the music died. i was going to ask for his picture, but i feel like that's not so necessary.

btw, have no fear that this blog is going to turn into a monefest. i'm working on setting up a date for this weekend. phd from berkeley! but he's only 5'8. will keep you updated.

ADH